Cinetopia Golden Ticket: November 2013

I only have three months left on my Golden Ticket and I’m finding myself becoming increasingly picky. For instance, I was all set to check out Disney’s Frozen, but when I found out it was a musical, I changed my mind. I’m up to 60 movies (seen at Cinetopia alone) in the past nine months, so - even though I’m seeing these films for free - my tolerance for dreck is less indulgent. Luckily, as my cynicism increases, we’re starting to see the first seeds of award-winners this time of year. The goods ones tend to make the bad ones worth it.

Movie Fifty-five: Last Vegas – Strange as it may seem (especially given the length and content of their resumes), none of the four leading actors in this film have ever done a movie together. A pairing of any two of them would make for a good movie, you would think. It’s a shame that this was the one they ended up doing as a group. Gene Siskel’s defining line of whether a film was good or bad was gauged by asking the question “Is this film more interesting than a documentary of the same actors having lunch?” Last Vegas fails that test miserably. Hell, looking at the poster is more entertaining than watching the actual film. The jokes are mildly amusing at best, scenes that are supposed to be touching feel awkward, and some parts don’t make any sense at all. I will say this, though: You’ve gotta give the actors credit for doing the best they could with what they had. Kevin Kline in particular rises above a role he’s way too good for. I remember seeing an interview with Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman (who were roommates when they first moved to Hollywood) and they both confessed that, throughout their entire careers, they were convinced that every acting role they ever had would be the last one they would ever have. I imagine the motivation of the actors in Last Vegas was to give the best performances they could to ensure it wouldn’t be the final note in their prestigious careers.

Movie Fifty-six: Thor: The Dark World – I made no secret of my contempt for the first Thor movie, so - needless to say - I was cautious about this one. However, I was pretty confident from the trailers that the sequel would be better. It would be quite the feat of incompetence if it was actually worse (although both Fantastic Four movies were so god-awful it seemed like they were competing against each other for worst superhero movie ever). Turns out my optimism for Thor redeeming himself was justified. This was just about what I was hoping for from the previous one and, sadly, didn’t get. Most of the areas where the original was seriously lacking they’ve made up for this time around. The script is smarter, the action is better, the jokes are funnier, the special effects are prettier, the performances are sharper. However, the “romance” between Jane and Thor still has no real substance. I honestly don’t see why they would be in love other than the fact they’re both good-looking. But, this isn’t about romance, is it? In fact, it’s more crucial that Thor and Loki have good chemistry in a story such as this and, in their third outing, Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddleston are very comfortable in their respective roles and play off each other beautifully. Even more than that, though, the movie knows what it’s doing and revels in what it is, which is something the first movie embarrassingly failed to accomplish the first time. There is still a lot of room for improvement, but, for now, this’ll do.

Movie Fifty-seven: Captain Phillips – This was also my “Movie Forty-nine” from October. I saw it again with my parents. They wanted to check out (a) the film, and (b) Cinetopia’s Movie Parlor. They were impressed on both counts. This is the first film I’ve seen twice with my Golden Ticket (although, I originally saw The World’s End at Cinetopia and then watched it two more times at the Hollywood Theatre). I was happy to see it again because it’s a good movie, but I thought it would be less suspenseful the second time around. That’s true, but only slightly so. As I said before, it’s a beautifully-crafted high-tension action-thriller and, as a true story, I knew the outcome even the first time I saw it. So, the tension was barely diluted (if at all) this time. By the end of the film, my nails were still bitten short, the lump in my throat had returned, and I sat breathing sighs of relief during the end credits. When a film remains suspenseful even after the person watching it knows exactly what’s in store, that’s a good movie. And Captain Phillips is really good.

Movie Fifty-eight: Delivery Man – Vince Vaughn is one of those actors that is so typecast, you pretty much know exactly what kinda movie you’re going to get when he’s the star. It’s ironic because he started out actually doing a decent variety of roles in the late 90’s (Jurassic Park 2, The Cell, and the Psycho remake, for instance). Normally, actors start out pigeon-holed and gradually branch out as they go, but Mr. Vaughn seems to have done the exact opposite. The fact that, of those three movies I cited as examples, two of ’em sucked and one ’em flopped, is probably why VV was so eager to embrace a one-note act as soon as he found one that worked. Delivery Man is, of course, another set piece for his fans and few others. It’s not especially funny, but it’s not painfully unfunny, either. Interestingly enough, its attempts at being sentimental are more successful than its attempts at humor. That’s not to say it’s a very good movie, but I give it props for making earnest attempts to venture outside the boundaries of a safe (and thus, bland) comedy. It’s not quite brave enough to further explore some of the deeper and darker areas it introduces, but that’s probably wise because the writer/director was pushing his luck already. Bottom line, though, I found myself rooting for Vaughn’s character, I cared about the relationships with his “kids,” the romantic subplot didn’t feel out of place, and, at the end, when his character gives the obligatory speech of revelation, I didn’t find it forced or hokey. Delivery Man is probably never going to be regarded as one of Vince Vaughn’s best movies, but it’s a step in the right direction as far as getting away from his usual shtick.

Movie Fifty-nine: Dallas Buyers Club – On the subject of type-casting, Matthew McConaughey is one of those actors people don’t seem to have much respect for. Like Vince Vaughn, he seemed to go for the easy money which, in his case, was apparently dopey romantic comedies where he’d take his shirt off a lot. While in real-life Mr. McConaughey may be what Jerry Seinfeld referred to as a “mimbo,” I’ve always felt he was a pretty decent actor. If nothing else, he’s proved many times that he can be effectively directed. I’ve even gone so far as to say that Matthew McConaughey should have played Lieutenant Aldo Raine in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds instead of Brad Pitt. People always look at me like I’m crazy when I say that, but I stand by my judgment. Moot speculations aside, Dallas Buyers Club is a movie that should shut up the naysayers for good. McConaughey is so good in this role, I defy anyone to name another actor that could have played it anywhere near as effectively. It’s not just because he lost an uncomfortable amount of weight for the part, either. Ron Woodroof is a complex anti-hero acting out of pride and desperation to save his own life (or, at least, prolong it) with whatever means are at his disposal. He’s burdened by homophobia, drug-addiction, and a bold defiance of the FDA whom he feels is depriving him of what he needs when they should be helping him and others like him. This is a grand character and McConaughey breathes amazing passion and authenticity into it. Perhaps this is a turning point for his career. Given his next two movies are being directed by Martin Scorsese and Christopher Nolan, it would certainly seem so. Maybe, in a few years, people will take me seriously when I say he would’ve been awesome in Inglourious Basterds. Trust me, he would’ve.

Movie Sixty: 12 Years a Slave – You’ve probably been hearing a lot of talk about how 12 Years a Slave will be the film to beat at Oscar time. That’s absolutely true. This is quite a picture and I have yet to see one as powerful so far this year. Never mind that it’s a true story. Never mind the stellar cast (and the equally stellar performances therein). Never mind the intensely in-depth look at slavery. All of those things serve to make it better, but even without them, this is a virtually flawless film. My awe was similar to that of The Shawshank Redemption where I was amazed that a film about prison could be so stirringly beautiful. Another comparison worth noting is Schindler’s List. The same kind of gruesome ugliness is somehow presented in a similar striking beauty as those movies in a way that cannot be explained, just experienced. I’m at a loss of how further to describe it other than to say you really should see this it. Period. It’s one of those movies that serves to make the world a better place even if only to expose light on one of the most deplorable aspects of human history. A footnote I’d like to add: With the performances we’ve seen in movies like Fruitvale Station, The Butler, Blue Caprice, Captain Phillips, and now 12 Years a Slave, it seems as though, finally, the film awards will be dominated by black actors and black directors this year. At least, they should be.

Now, bring on the Christmas movies!

Cinetopia Golden Ticket: October 2013

Now that I’m 2/3 of the way through my year of free movies, I’m starting to see trailers for films that will be released after my Golden Ticket expires (most notably, X-Men: Days of Future Past). I have mixed feelings about the end being in sight, but for the most part, I think it comes as a bit of a relief. I’ll miss the free movies, but at least I’ll be ending my tenure around the time the studios tend to play their Oscar-contenders. That season has already started, actually, and there were a few in the month of October that you’ll probably being hearing about around awards time early next year. Like every other month, though, October was also a mixed bag of goods and bads. Let’s review, shall we?

Movie Forty-six: Alien – Yes, I’m talking about Ridley Scott’s original sci-fi/horror masterpiece from 1979. Cinetopia showed it on their 85 foot screen as part of their ongoing science fiction retrospective. Actually, “retrospective” is kind of a generous term since Alien is probably the oldest film they’re showing out of the entire series (E.T. and Star Trek II would be the next oldest), but that’s okay. I’m happy they’re doing it at all. I know I’ve seen Alien on the big screen before (and probably more than once), but not this big and not digitally remastered with surround sound. That wasn’t the best part of the experience, though. Neither was noticing things on the big screen I’d never noticed before despite countless viewings on the small screen. The best part was the woman sitting a few seats to my right. I assume she had never seen it before given her audible reactions. I don’t mean she was talking (that’s something I absolutely cannot tolerate), but she screamed at all the right places and even gasped when the ship’s computer informed Ripley that the Nostromo’s crew was deemed “expendable.” I never get tired of watching a classic like this, but it’s people like her that remind me of what it was like to see it for the first time. I’m actually jealous that her first time was to see it like this. In a way, she’s one up on me.

Movie Forty-seven: Gravity – There’s an extensive scene towards the end of Alfonso Cuarón’s Children of Men where Clive Owen runs through a battle zone and it appears to be a single-take shot. I don’t see how they could possibly shoot it like that and he almost certainly used CGI and camera tricks to make it appear as such, but I’ll be damned if I can see where or how they put it together. It’s a glorious sequence and anybody who’s seen the movie knows exactly which scene I’m talking about. Gravity is a whole movie based on long-lasting, grand, sweeping shots like that. The camera almost seems to be drifting in space with all the other debris as it floats in, over, around (and sometimes through) the characters and scenery giving the film an eerie and mesmerizing flow. I’d like to watch the movie again and time how long certain shots last before making a cut. The opening scene alone I would say is probably around 15 minutes long. The entire film is wondrous to behold and one of the most beautiful things about it is that it seems more interested in being realistic than beautiful. There are some truly gorgeous shots like Sandra Bullock’s weightless body drifting into the fetal position after passing out and being backlit like a human eclipse. Another is where she cries and her tears float away from her cheeks and into the foreground giving us an inverted fish-eye view of her weeping. This is one of those exceptionally rare films where 3-D is actually used as an effective enhancement to the filmmaking itself. It’s also rare in that the whole movie is essentially just a special effects extravaganza, but feels as real as any other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s so encouraging to see films like Pacific Rim, Elysium and Gravity using CGI as a tool instead of a crutch.

Movie Forty-eight: Machete Kills – Speaking of CGI, Robert Rodriguez had been employing computer graphics prominently in pretty much all of his movies ever since 1996’s From Dusk Till Dawn. For the most part, he’s done a pretty good job. Sometimes his special effects border on “cartoony,” but - in those cases - that might have been the point. The effects in Machete Kills indicate he may be getting lazy, though (like I said in the previous paragraph, CGI can often times become a bit of a crutch). As one would expect, there are a number of scenes in this film that could not be accomplished without heavy computer animation and greenscreens, but there are also several that could, yet he used CGI anyway. For instance, it looked to me like every bullet hit (whether it be a blood spatter, a ricochet spark, or a dust explosion) was animated. I realize that squibs and pyrotechnics are probably more expensive and you literally only get one shot, but I would think Rodriguez would be the type to prefer the realism of old-school over the convenience of post-production in matters such as this. Especially when there is so much gunfire in this movie (and, I’m telling you, there is a lot). Pity it looks so fake. That’s nit-picking, though. The movie itself isn’t that great to begin with. I realize, of course, that Rodriguez is by no means trying to create an Oscar-winner here, but - even by its own standards - it falls short. It’s definitely excessive, but it doesn’t seem to really push the boundaries of bad taste like Planet Terror or Sin City (or the original Machete, for that matter) did. Those movies were guilty pleasures that he almost seemed to be daring us to watch (and upping the ante as they went along). Machete Kills seems more interested in being increasingly silly than shocking. In fact, it gets so goofy, it seems like Rodriguez is drawing more from his “kid” movies (like Spy Kids and The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl) than his grindhouse repertoire. The film promises a third installment of Machete. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if Roger Rabbit was in it.

Movie Forty-nine: Captain Phillips – Whenever I see a movie based on a true story, I always wonder how much of it was true and how much of it was dramatized. It doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things because a movie should be able to stand on its own, regardless. There are some parts of Captain Phillips that seem unlikely (and, indeed, some of the real-life crew members from the Maersk Alabama have come forward with claims that the movie is inaccurate), but they still feel very real in the context of the film. Paul Greengrass is superb at making a movie look like it’s really happening in front of you. In the case of this movie, a great deal of it has to do with the casting, particularly the casting of the Somali pirates - every one of which is absolutely amazing and 100% convincing. A regular Hollywood director would probably try to cast Djimon Hounsou or someone like that as the main villain, but Greengrass goes with first-time actors who come across so authentically, that seeing this photo totally trips me out. Tom Hanks will most likely get all the credit for the good acting in this film, and he deserves every accolade he gets (particularly in the heart-wrenching final scene), but, if Barkhad Abdi does not receive an Oscar nomination for his role in Captain Phillips, it will probably be because the Academy thinks he’s an actual pirate.

Movie Fifty: Escape Plan – Being a big fan of prison break movies, I remember back in college trying to think up a some kind of impregnable futuristic prison that seemed absolutely impossible to escape from – and then trying to think of a way to escape from it. I had a good time envisioning the prison (and it was pretty bad-ass, lemme tell ya), but when it came time for my subsequent character(s) to break out, I couldn’t think of a way for them to do it. This movie has the same problem, except instead of making the escapists smarter than the prison, they’ve made the prison dumber than the escapists. Judging from my own contemplation of this scenario, I’m convinced that’s the only way you could make a movie like this. They should have done what I did, though, and not made the movie at all. If you wanna make a straight up prison break flick, go for it. In fact, the opening sequence that shows Stallone breaking out of a regular prison is really great and I was beginning to think this might be a pretty good movie after all. But, when he goes to the most cutting-edge prison in the world – so cutting edge, it’s not even officially legal – you would think the prison would be more competently constructed and professionally maintained. For instance, why would you have an access panel on the floor of solitary confinement that leads to a tunnel that will eventually take you straight to the roof via corridors with no motion detectors or surveillance monitors? Why would you take a prisoner from the infirmary back to his cell without searching him for pilfered contraband? Why, if you have enough forethought to inspect a new inmate for an implanted transponder and have it removed, would you not implant your own transponder to keep track of him while he’s incarcerated? Why, if you wanted to make somebody permanently disappear, would you pay an exorbitant amount of money to send them to a secret prison instead of just killing them? None of these things occurred to the makers of Escape Plan (or, maybe they did and they just didn’t give a shit) and so the burden of unreasonable suspension of disbelief lies solely on the viewer. Let’s face it, though, anybody who goes to a movie starring Stallone and Schwarzenegger in prison probably isn’t there to think. On those terms, you’re bound to get what you expect and it was refreshing to watch these old-school action heroes do their thing in a movie that doesn’t have “Expendables” in the title. They’ve both made better movies than this, but, on the other hand, they’ve also done a lot worse.

Movie Fifty-one: Carrie – Unfortunately, unlike Alien, this was not the original version from the 70’s playing as part of Cinetopia’s sci-fi retrospective, but the brand new and totally unnecessary remake. I’m in a somewhat unique position to review this movie since I’ve seen Brian DePalma’s film several times as well as read Stephen King’s novel several times. So, I know of which I speak. Remaking a classic horror movie (especially a particularly good one) is ill-advised, but I was actually open to a Carrie remake for two reasons: One, the original from 1976 was enough of a departure from the book that a new film returning to the source material might feel fresh. Two, with all the recent talk in the media lately about bullying and teens being driven to suicide as a result of being tormented by their peers, I thought a modernized version of Carrie could be quite profound and insightful. Alas, this new version explored neither one of those opportunities. It does actually include some scenes from the book that were absent from the original film adaptation (so somebody at least had sense enough to read it), but not particularly interesting ones. Example: In the book, Carrie not only destroys the prom, but pretty much levels the entire town immediately afterwards. I always figured they cut that out of the original movie because they didn’t have the budget for destruction scenes of that magnitude. Nearly 40 years (and millions of dollars) later, they still decide to leave that out but, for some reason, add the scene from the book where Sue and Tommy have awkward sex in the back of a car. And, just to make sure they were as unoriginal as possible, they also duplicate a variety of scenes (verbatim) from DePalma’s version that were not taken from the novel, yet still managing to make them dull and mediocre. Clearly, they were trying to play it as safe as possible which makes for a very wooden and uninspired movie that will almost certainly be forgotten years down the road when they decide to remake Carrie yet again.

Movie Fifty-two: Bad Grandpa – The TV show “Jackass” is nothing if not the lowest of lowbrow humor, but that doesn’t mean it’s not funny at times. Despite the fact they made two “Jackass” movies (and, as far as I know, both movies did well enough to make a profit), I don’t think the format is suited for a feature-length film. A medley of those pranks and stunts works best in half-hour doses and, after that, becomes tiresome. That’s not so much because the high jinks themselves become exhausting (although, they often do), but more because of the lack of storyline. When I saw the trailer for Bad Grandpa, I was delighted that they took the basic concept of “Jackass” and applied it to the blueprint of Borat to give it a more compelling flow. The outcome is about what you’d expect. Learning from Sasha Baron Cohen’s mistakes (and subsequent lawsuits), Johnny Knoxville makes himself the butt of his own jokes with innocent bystanders providing the “punchlines” with their genuinely shocked reactions (rather than being targets of ridicule). The movie’s content is hit-and-miss because the results are as random as the unwitting people involved. In some cases, the set-up is actually funnier than the payoff. It is hilarious at times, though, and they manage to inject the presentation of gags with more of a progressive story arc than you would think. The biggest surprise is the consistent, earnest, and charming performance of Jackson Nicoll as the grandkid. It’s difficult to maintain character in an improvisational “Candid Camera” scenario and this kid doesn’t flinch or back down at all, even when things seem to get unpredictably hairy. Scene for scene, he does more than hold his own with Johnny Knoxville and I hope to see more of him in the future. Even if this was his first time, he’s clearly a professional. This movie is in no way meant to be taken seriously by its viewers, but it’s oddly moving to see how seriously it was taken by its makers.

Movie Fifty-three: The Counselor – I suspect there are three kinds of people who will be attracted to this film: Fans of Ridley Scott, fans of Cormac McCarthy, and fans of anybody in the principle cast. Of those three, I’d say I’m probably in the Scott category above all else. I’ve read some McCarthy and enjoyed the film adaptations of his work (that I’ve seen) and I like lead actors (and there are some great supporting players in this film, as well), but - for some reason - the combination of those elements wasn’t quite the magic I was hoping for. I’d put most of the blame on McCarthy’s script. He tends to move slowly and be a bit long-winded - and sometimes that’s great - and it’s not necessarily bad in this case, but it is kinda “meh.” At times, it seems more like a series of dramatic monologues of existential reflections than an actual movie. Consequently, the sum of its parts are better than the whole. The second half picks up the pace a bit, but - by the end - I was somewhat disaffected. I suppose I should put some of the blame on myself because I had a hard time following who was doing what to whom when and for what reason, but I think I followed it well enough to get the gist. All in all, it would probably make a better book than a movie, but then again, how else would you be able to see Cameron Diaz fuck a car?

Movie Fifty-four: Aliens – I don’t know if Cinetopia did this deliberately in planning its science fiction retrospective, but bookending the month of October (and thus the season of Halloween) with Alien and Aliens was a thing of beauty. Like its predecessor, I’ve seen Aliens on the big screen before, but not with this high-end quality of presentation. Aliens is an impressive movie to begin with (it’s actually one of my top ten favorite films of all-time and has been since I was 12) and it holds up well in every category, so to see it with such a crisp picture and in-depth sound is mind-blowingly fantastic. I’ve seen the film probably 426 times, but never heard the facehuggers scurry through med-lab with such clarity. I never noticed Vasquez has a small tattoo of a tear below her left eye (if anything, I probably assumed it was a scar or a mole). I never felt the tremor of every footfall from the powerloader advancing to attack. Somewhat ironically, I never noticed the insights into PTSD and bigotry within the film. I also never noticed how all of the principle characters have a moment where they save the others. Ripley, of course, is the hero (with Hicks as a close second), but Newt, Bishop, Gorman, Hudson, Vasquez and even Burke (“You had your chance, Gorman!”) each have their moments of heroism. That’s the best part about watching movies we love over and over. Like people we love, we find something new to appreciate every time we see them. Oh, what a grand movie this is. It’s amazing that a film so dark and so horrifying could be so beautiful. I nearly wept.

While it’s true Aliens is a tough act to follow, I’m optimistic about November. I have no interest in seeing Ender’s Game, though. What else ya got?

Cinetopia Golden Ticket: September 2013

It’s a good thing August was as prosperous as it was for movies because September was a virtual drought. I didn’t even go to the movies until halfway through the month and, even then, the few movies I did see weren’t much to howl about. Luckily, I had the final episodes of “Breaking Bad” to keep me occupied (and satisfied) enough to not feel deprived. At any rate, here are the four that I managed to see in September:

Movie Forty-two: The Family – There must be a ton of movies out there about a mob snitch who relocates his family via the witness protection program with the subsequent fish-out-of-water gags as his wife and kids try to adjust to the mundane life of the average citizen. I can’t specifically think of one, though. Regardless, the formula seems tired and familiar and not something a filmmaker like Luc Besson would stoop to. I think, as both writer and director, he had way too much faith in the material. For instance, there’s a scene where Robert DeNiro’s character attends a screening of GoodFellas and then is asked to give a lecture about it. Sounds funny, right? Except we don’t see him watching the movie or delivering the lecture (except in staccato bits and pieces as the film cuts back and forth to other scenes). What’s most frustrating about this movie, though, is that it sets up several potentially interesting subplots that end up going nowhere or, even worse, conclude in oddly unrealistic ways. Even the overwhelmingly predictable climax – the mob enforcers find out where the family is hiding and the obligatory violence ensues – has some peculiar moments. For starters, these are the most indiscreet hit men I’ve ever seen in a movie, the protagonists do things inconsistent with their characters, and some scenes just don’t make sense. Why, for instance, if two guys were fighting for their lives in a room with at least four guns on the floor, would they opt for a belt and a kitchen knife as their weapons of choice? There’s a good movie in here somewhere and the performances are actually pretty good (especially from the children), but, overall, it’s just kind of a mess. Seems like just a paycheck movie, if you ask me. Its unimaginatively succinct title is the perfect indicator of how little creative energy was spent.

Movie Forty-three: Prisoners – Other than talking during a movie, nothing makes me have more contempt for a film audience than hearing them say, “That’s it?” when the end credits roll. I heard it at Martha Marcy May Marlene. I heard it at No Country for Old Men. I even heard it at Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. All of those were movies that ended with brilliantly executed open-endings and Prisoners does as well. It’s a tell-tale sign of the intelligence of an audience (or lack thereof) by how dissatisfied they are with having to use their own imagination rather than being spoon-fed an ending – even after the filmmaker has said all they needed to say. These are same people who demand to know what’s in the case from Pulp Fiction, what Bill Murray whispered to Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation, and basically The Usual Suspects in its entirety. In short; myopic control freaks. The ending is one of the best things Prisoners has going for it, but let me back up and talk about what leads up to it. It starts out feeling like a suburban, white-collar version of Mystic River and then gradually segues into suburban, white-collar torture-porn. It’s nothing special for the first two-thirds (other than Hugh Jackman trying way too hard to get an Oscar nomination). About 90 minutes in, though, it starts to get really interesting. I was especially caught off-guard because this was the part of the story where I was expecting it to end, but some things occur that, I wouldn’t go so far as to call “twists,” but they’re certainly unexpected tangents. I won’t reveal what they are, but I was impressed by elements that, at first, seemed liked red-herrings, but were actually clues that meant something other than the obvious. These kind of clever tricks are exactly why the ending works as well as it does. Being shown everything but not knowing what it means entitles the audience to a little “Hmmm” moment at the end. However, a “Hmmm” moment is not the same as a “That’s it?” moment and, if you can’t tell the difference between the two, you’re quite simply an unsophisticated movie-goer and should just stay home watching sitcoms where the studio audience tells you when to laugh.

Movie Forty-four: Don Jon – This is a peculiar writing/directing debut. The movie is sound: Competently-directed, decently-written, well-acted, nicely-shot, tightly-edited, etc. It’s the subject matter that’s a bit odd for a successful and popular performer like Joseph Gordon-Levitt to choose as his first outing in the captain’s chair. Though the trailers give some indication as to what the movie’s about, they really kind of gloss over it by making it look like simply like a quirky love story: A club-hopping babe-hound finally makes an effort to settle on just one girl for a long-term relationship and gets more than he bargains for (at least, that’s what I thought I was in store for). That is technically the plot of the film, but – in truth – it’s really about porn addiction. I suppose promoting it more as a “Jersey Shore-esque” romantic comedy would make audiences feel more comfortable about going to see it, but I can picture couples out on a date squirming in their seats as they watch it (particularly if the dudes watch a lot of online porn when their girls aren’t around). It’s a pretty brave topic to undertake for your first film and one almost has to wonder if Mr. Gordon-Levitt has (or has had) his own struggles with porn addiction. He seems to know what he’s talking about, there’s a lot of footage from actual porn prominently featured (and strategically cropped) throughout. Plus, as the star of the film, JGL sees to it that he fondles and kisses a lot of hot girls. One particularly uncomfortable scene where he dry humps Scarlett Johansson in the hallway outside of her apartment comes to mind. So much attention is paid to that scene that I almost wonder if he made the whole movie just because he’d always wanted to do that. That said, this is still a good movie. It’s funny, it’s entertaining, the characters are interesting enough, and it has some nice surprises. Just be prepared to see a lot of almost-porn and voice-over about how masturbation is better than actual sex. I would think the ideal way to watch this film would be alone in a dark room hunched over a laptop.

Movie Forty-five: Rush – Jerry Seinfeld once said, “To me, the problem with boxing is you have two guys having a fight that have no prior argument. Why don't they have the boxers come into the ring in little cars, drive around little a bit, have a little accident? They get out, ‘Didn't you see my signal?’ ‘Look at that fender!’ Then you'd see a real fight.” Rush is a movie based around that very idea except, instead of boxers, they’re Formula 1 racers. I’ve always found auto-racing to be pretty stupid, to tell the truth. For one thing, it seems like a colossal waste of money. Professional sports are money-pits to begin with, but in auto-racing… Even if a race runs absolutely perfect without any mishaps whatsoever, the car still takes such a pounding that the crew has to pretty much rebuild it before the next race no matter what. With that in mind, the “sport*” is also so volatile, that I don’t see how racers could conceivably be angry at other drivers for running into them. Hell, they’re lucky to survive the race at all. Needless to say, I didn’t like this movie since that’s pretty much all it was about. It’s well-made and all that stuff (in fact, it might be Ron Howard’s best looking movie), but it just wasn’t for me. Sports aren’t really my thing to begin with, but I have been known to love a number of movies about sports. Lots, really. So, I can’t say it’s entirely my fault I didn’t like this film. I just didn’t care about two feuding arrogant motor-heads whose egos hinged entirely on who could drive faster. The King of Kong is documentary about the rivalry of two championship players of “Donkey Kong” and the intense on-going conflict between them (and their respective pathetic entourages). It’s a serious film, but really showcases the absurdity of such a pointless competition. I didn’t find Rush any less ridiculous.

*I put “sport” in quotes because it seems to me racecar drivers don’t physically exert themselves much more than someone playing a video game.

Now that October is underway, the usual horror-movie watching will commence. So, it really doesn’t matter if there aren’t many theater flicks worth checking out. However, from what I see coming up, there’s some good stuff on the way. So, I may just spend the whole month going from movies at home to movies in the theater. Good thing the weather sucks.

Yeah, Mr. White! Yeah, Science!

I haven’t been much of a TV watcher since “Cheers” went off the air 20 years ago. I’ve picked up a few shows here and there, but mostly on DVD after they’d gone off the air. As of right now, I can literally count on one hand how many shows I watch on a regular basis that are still currently being made. And now that “Breaking Bad” has come to an end, there are even less.

My mind is awash with all sorts of thoughts and impressions and reactions and theories regarding the final episode and the series in retrospect. For now, though, I just kind of want to sit and bask in the glow of what an exhilarating ride it was. I knew I would want to write something after seeing the finale and I could wax philosophical about how brilliant the show was and what set it apart and how I feel about the ending, but I don’t want to.

For one, I don’t want to begin by saying, “SPOILER ALERT: Don’t read this unless you’ve seen the last episode of ‘Breaking Bad’ (and every episode before it).” I want to write something that anyone and everyone could read. Perhaps something that would make someone who’s never seen a single episode seek it out and watch it many times over many marathon sessions (like I did), drinking in every glorious moment like a junkie getting their fix.

My overall opinion of the final episode is that it was perfectly satisfying and consistent with the show’s caliber of storytelling. I will say this, though: Over the course of the show, we would occasionally see flashbacks that occurred before the first episode. We got to see Walter in college (grad school, probably). We got to see the Whites buy their first house. We even got to see members of the drug cartel early on and how they came to be the kingpins they were. One thing we never did see, though, was Jesse Pinkman as a student in Mr. White’s class.

While I loved the climactic scene and the beautifully composed final shot of the series, I think it would have been a nice epilogue to see a prologue. Perhaps of the first time Walt and Jesse met. One of the most popular (that is to say, most viewed) blogs I’ve written was my idea of how “The Office” should have ended (with Steve Carell’s exit). So, if you’ll indulge me, I’ve composed a short script of how Mr. White and Jesse Pinkman could have become acquainted for the first time ten years ago in a high school chemistry class. I don’t even pretend to be on the level of genius that the actual writers of “Breaking Bad” clearly are, but I did the best I could and had a good time pretending. I’m sure you may have your own ideas of how they met, but here’s mine. My final scene of “Breaking Bad” to add on to theirs:

 

MR. WHITE: Gabrielle Petrissans.

STUDENT #1: Here.

MR. WHITE: Rod Peyketewa.

STUDENT #2: Here.

MR. WHITE: Lou Pimber.

STUDENT #3: Here.

MR. WHITE: Jesse Pinkman.

(No answer.)

MR. WHITE: (Louder) Jesse Pinkman?

(Still no answer.)

MR. WHITE: (Marking absent in the roll call) No Mr. Pinkman. Okay. Jason Ponic.

STUDENT #4: Here.

(JESSE bursts into classroom.)

JESSE: Yo.

(JESSE plops into the nearest vacant seat.)

MR. WHITE: (Perturbed) And who might you be?

JESSE: Jesse.

MR. WHITE: Jesse…

JESSE: Yeah.

MR. WHITE: Jesse Pinkman, I presume?

JESSE: Yeah, that’s right.

MR. WHITE: Well, Mr. Pinkman. In case it wasn’t already obvious, you are late.

JESSE: Yeah, but not by much, dude. I just heard you call Jason’s name. He’s, like, right behind me on the list, right?

MR. WHITE: (Putting down his pen) That’s not the point. Even if you had walked in right before I called your name, you would still be late. When the last bell rings, my class begins and if you are not in your seat, quiet, and paying attention, you are late and thus a disruption to my class.

JESSE: Okay. Well… Sorry, man. It’s the first day of school, I couldn’t find the class on time. Cut me some slack.

MR. WHITE: (Moving from behind the counter to approach JESSE.) First of all, it’s not “man.” Nor is it “dude” or “bro” or whatever contemporary pronoun you use amongst your peers. It is Mr. White and you will refer to me as Mr. White in class, out of class, in public, in private, on the street, wherever. Is that understood?

JESSE: (impudently) Okay. Mr. White. Whatever.

MR. WHITE: Second of all… You’re a junior, is that correct?

JESSE: Yeah.

MR. WHITE: (Standing right in front of JESSE’s desk) So, you’re two years from graduation. Theoretically, of course. Two years from graduation and you still haven’t grasped the basic concept of respect for the rules. I’ve known you a grand total of thirty seconds and that’s all you’ve shown me so far.

(JESSE glares up at MR. WHITE.)

MR. WHITE: (leaning down almost menacingly) You’re not off to a good start.

(They stare at each other for a couple seconds. MR. WHITE stands up and walks back to the roll call list.)

MR. WHITE: The good news is there’s hope for you, Jesse. You’ve got a whole two years to make the right choices. So, decide now. What’s it going to be? Are you going to continue to do things however you want to do them with no consideration for those around you? Or, are you going to pay attention and listen to people who know better than you? I’ve seen students like you come and go and the one thing they all had in common was potential. Most of them squandered it. Some of them channeled it and moved on to bigger and better things. No matter what you might think of me, I promise I’m smarter than you. If you do what I say and follow my rules, you might make something of yourself. I want you to remember that during our time together.

(JESSE continues to glare, but more intensely in response to being publicly chastised.)

MR. WHITE: (Glaring back) Are you ready to begin?

JESSE: Ready when you are, Mr. White.

FADE TO:

Cinetopia Golden Ticket: August 2013

Previously, I bragged about fitting in seven movies over my usual six at Cinetopia. For August, I shattered that record with a whopping nine. Honestly, I don’t know how I did it. It wasn’t as if August was less busy. On the contrary, there was never a dull moment: I had a birthday, went to my high school reunion, raised enough money to publish a book, participated in Portland’s 48-hr Film Project, went to “Trek in the Park,” kept up with all the new episodes of “Breaking Bad,” and – on top of the nine films I saw at Cinetopia – I saw at least six more at the Hollywood Theatre (speaking of which, Fruitvale Station, 20 Feet from Stardom, and Joss Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing are all quite good and well worth checking out). It made me realize that the reason my Cinetopia average is only six movies per month isn’t because I don’t have time to watch more; It’s because there aren’t more worth watching in any given month. August was a major exception, though. Some of the best movies of the year played last month.

Movie Thirty-three: 2 Guns – I was pretty devastated when Tony Scott took his life about this time last year. Not just because suicide is always tragic and not just because I thought he was a skilled auteur, but because he made a particular kind of movie that we don’t see too much of anymore. And, now that he’s gone, we’re likely to see it even less. There isn’t even a word to describe the kind of film I mean. Think about what abstract elements Top Gun, The Last Boy Scout, and Enemy of the State have in common and that’s what it is. The action movie that’s silly but not stupid, fun but not campy, violent but not grotesque, implausible but not unbelievable, frivolous but not lazy, accessible but not insulting. It’s a delicate equilibrium and Tony Scott made it look easy. Even the movies of his I didn’t particularly like, I still respected. 2 Guns is about the closest I’ve ever seen a movie come to re-creating Tony Scott’s magic since (and it stars Denzel Washington, Mr. Scott’s most oft-used leading man). 2 Guns has that aloof “too cool for school” atmosphere, well-crafted action scenes (that are actually relevant to the plot and – thankfully – not computer generated), charmingly duplicitous villains, and a lively sense of humor injected throughout. Not everyone will appreciate it, but I feel sorry for those people. Whenever I think I might be turning into a movie snob, I remember how much pleasure I get from rollercoaster-esque films like this and it brings me back to reality.

Movie Thirty-four: We’re the Millers – I love the idea for this movie. It’s like National Lampoon’s Vacation meets Blow. Plus, it’s got a strong cast that has great chemistry (both as total strangers and as a fake family). The characters are well-realized and they interact very naturalistically. Somewhere, however, it falls short. I suppose the easiest place to cast blame is in the writing, which is too bad because the writers were at least competent enough to create such strong exposition. I guess they just couldn’t finish what they started. That’s not to say this is a bad movie. I laughed a lot and enjoyed it for the most part. What I found disappointing was that it was poised for something great, but delivered something that was merely good. I guess what bothered me most was that it was so fraught with deus ex machina. The “Millers” get themselves into so many sticky situations, as the plot suggests, but their means of getting out of them are so simple and random it seems like the writers were more interested in moving onto the next scene than dealing with the one at hand. That’s a shame. This story and its characters deserve better.

Movie Thirty-five: Planes – I love all things PIXAR, but I think my least favorite of their films so far is Cars 2. I enjoyed the original Cars, but I didn’t think it merited a sequel and consequently found the sophomore installment pretty forgettable. I’m glad they made Planes instead of Cars 3, but not that glad. Planes is pretty much a combination of Cars (except, instead of a superstar who learns humility, we have an underdog who learns how to become a superstar) and Cars 2 (except instead of an international race that accompanies a spy thriller, we have simply an international race without any espionage subplot at all). Writer/director Klay Hall is pretty new to this (writing, directing, and being employed by PIXAR) and it shows. The aerial animation is fun to watch, but that’s about the only exceptional thing about it. I saw the film in 2-D, but I think it could possibly be better in 3-D. That’s not much of a compliment, though. I hate to say PIXAR has gotten to the point of “phoning it in”, but that’s what this film feels like. This close on the heels of the superb Monsters University, it seems more like Planes served as a practice round more than a serious attempt at another great film. The end credits announce that a sequel is already in the works. PIXAR has set the bar pretty high for themselves for many years, so I hope they up their game for Planes: Fire & Rescue next year. I’m pretty sure I’ll be less forgiving of it than I was towards Cars 2.

Movie Thirty-six: Elysium – In my recap of Pacific Rim last month, I expressed my admiration for Guillermo Del Toro’s handling of CGI. He should watch his back, though, because Neill Blomkamp is close to dethroning Mr. Del Toro. I didn’t think District 9 was worthy of an Oscar nomination for Best Picture, but I was pretty amazed by its stunning special effects and overall originality. Blomkamp delivers another unique mind-blowing adventure for his second feature proving at the very least that, as a writer/director, he is far from a one-hit wonder. This isn’t the best film of the year, but it just might be the most impressive. Like District 9, this film also has its share of social commentary (focusing mostly on immigration, poverty, and *gasp* universal health care). The story itself is very original and quite enthralling, but it’s all the extra stuff that really pushes it over the top. The technology in the film (manifested as weapons, tools, vehicles, medical devices, communications, etc) is awe-inspiring as well as logically realistic in a possible future. I was reminded of Minority Report, which employed similar tactics, but not as remarkably as here. The plot is smart, but fairly simple. The characters are likeable enough and matched by the villains’ flagitiousness. The action scenes are exciting and quite visceral. Although, I would like to make one sincere plea in response to this film (not just to Mr. Blomkamp, but to contemporary directors all over the world): Please stop with this shaky camera nonsense. The steady cam was invented for a reason and it works perfectly, so use it. While the shaky picture adds some sense of chaos and realism, it’s ultimately distracting and damn frustrating when the viewer can barely tell what’s going on. If you can just get over that shortcoming, Mr. Blomkamp, the throne is yours.

Movie Thirty-seven: Kick-Ass 2 – I did not like the original Kick-Ass, which is a pity because I was prepared to love it. I felt like it couldn’t decide between being an ironic misfit comedy or a gritty action drama (Imagine if Kevin Smith and Martin Scorcese tried to make a movie together). Consequently, the film failed as both a comedy and an action picture. Overall, I found it distastefully nihilistic, unappealingly brutal and one of the most mean-spirited films I’ve ever seen, so I approached this sequel prepared to see them go further down the spiral (especially since Jim Carrey said he couldn’t in good conscience promote the film due its violent content). The truth is, much to my surprise, I really liked it. I felt like it was exactly what its predecessor should have been: A well-constructed dark comedy with the kind of tongue-in-cheek action scenes that would make Robert Rodriguez smirk. It’s probably every bit as violent as the original, but somehow it doesn’t seem as cruel or cynical. Plus, the original had too many scenes that felt pointless and out of place, but this film seems more purposeful. It’s still quite silly and it wouldn’t surprise me if more people hate it than love it, but it’s exceptionally rare for me to enjoy the sequel to a movie I thought sucked pretty bad. The epilogue after the end credits indicates that they have every intention of making a Kick-Ass 3. I’m totally okay with that, provided they continue to learn from their mistakes.

Movie Thirty-eight: The Butler – I remember, the night Barack Obama was elected President in November of 2008, I was at the Democratic Party of Oregon’s rally at the Convention Center in Portland – not because I’m a hard-core Democrat, but because a friend had an extra ticket and it seemed like an exciting place to be on election night. By the time we got there, Obama had already been declared the winner and the building was vibrating with shouts and cheers of victory and relief – up until Obama delivered his acceptance speech. The entire hall, filled with who knows how many thousands of people, went totally silent. I was standing below one of the projection screens broadcasting his speech, putting me pretty much at the front of the crowd. I decided to turn around and look at the audience instead of up at the president for the duration of the speech. I figured if I wanted to see the president’s acceptance speech, I could watch it online later. Instead, I opted to watch the faces of his supporters while I listened to his words. One woman in the crowd stood out to me and I ended up watching her the whole time. She was standing about five or six feet away from me and had no idea she was the focus of my attention because she was so riveted by what was onscreen. She was a server – probably employed by the convention center – who was there to offer attendees drinks and collect empties, pick up trash for people too preoccupied to find a garbage can and that kinda stuff. She looked sharp in her black slacks and white shirt with a bow tie. I had noticed her before because she had offered me a drink from her tray, which I accepted and thanked her, but hadn’t given her much thought until I saw her watching the president’s speech. Her fingers were clasped in front of her mouth as though she was praying and, besides blinking, she remained absolutely still. There was no need for her to serve because everyone else was just as rapt as she was. I could tell this moment meant more to her than the majority of the people in that convention hall, though. Not just because of her body language and facial expression, but because she was black. And this moment was huge. Her eyes glistened, but I never saw a tear and she stood there and watched the president say “If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer,” and didn’t move. Then, when the president concluded, and the rest of the crowd erupted in ear-shattering applause, she picked up her tray and went right back to work. I never spoke to her, yet she taught me so much about, not only how far we’d come as a country, but also how much further we had to go. I realize I haven’t said a thing about The Butler as a movie, but I will say it had the same effect on me as that anonymous woman did five years ago. I can’t think of a better way to sum it up than that.

Movie Thirty-nine: The World’s End – When it comes to Sci-Fi, Horror, Action and Comedy, you can usually combine any two of those genres and come up with a good movie. Any three, you’re going out on a limb, but it can still be done by an adept enough filmmaker. Try to do all four at once and you’re really asking for trouble. Edgar Wright has worked his way up, though, and has miraculously pulled off a brilliant “foursome” that entertains exceedingly on all four levels. This movie is amazing. The first half-hour or so is the British ensemble cast deftly exchanging pithy remarks in a rapid-fire pace that exceeds the laugh count of most modern day comedies. That in itself is a movie well worth watching, but no: Robots attack after exposition has been well established and the movie continuously cranks up the laughs, the excitement and the surprises until the end credits roll. This movie was everything I hoped This is The End would be (and sadly was not). I would have been perfectly satisfied if 2013 didn’t bring forth a film as funny as The Heat (because that movie was pretty damn funny), but The World’s End is such an overwhelmingly relentless amusement park of a movie, that to expect more from a motion picture is really asking too much. One thing’s for sure: There’s no point in making a top ten list of the best bar fights in a movie ‘cuz The World’s End contains all ten.

Movie Forty: The Spectacular Now – Romantic comedies, be they good or bad, all pretty much have the exact same plot. The details within are infinite, but the essence remains the same and thus is probably the most challenging area of storytelling to inject with enough originality to not feel redundant. On top of that (and perhaps even more importantly), the characters have to be extra likeable and more realistic than most other movies or else the audience isn’t going to buy into it. One shortcut towards achieving that is to go with the coming-of-age plotline. Because that’s such a convenient template for romantic comedies, I always have a tremendous amount of respect for films that venture outside the comfort zone of that genre. We all know that adolescence is hard, but few movies really truly demonstrate – to the point where the viewer is practically re-experiencing the anguish along with the characters – exactly how hard it can be at times. That’s a lofty goal to set for one’s self, but – when they hit it – it really makes for a powerful film. The amazing thing about The Spectacular Now is that it maintains that everything is fine on the surface. The characters laugh and joke and have a good time and yeah, they have their problems, but that’s cool, y’know? But emotions run high, vulnerabilities are exposed, and things come to a boil culminating into scenes that are as heartbreaking as they are touching. To explain how would be to ruin the movie, because movies like this, after all, are meant to be experienced along with the characters in it. And when they hit the point where they’ve become so overwhelmed that they need a shoulder to cry on, you want to cry along with them.

Movie Forty-one: Blue Jasmine – People often ask the question “Are you a Woody Allen fan?” as if you either love his movies, or you don’t. While there are a number of styles, techniques and subject matters employed regularly by Mr. Allen, I find his films different enough to be able to say I love some, like some and hate some. In others words, I find that question unfair. I didn’t see his previous film, but I did see the one before that and liked it a lot – enough to be excited to see Blue Jasmine. Unfortunately, I did not like Blue Jasmine at all. One common element that I think all Woody Allen films do have in common is that they’re character-driven. So, if you don’t like the characters, you probably won’t like the film. That’s certainly the case here. Much as I love Cate Blanchette (and even as good as her performance is in this movie), I really hated her character. Sometimes that can serve the story if you care enough to see them get their comeuppance, but in this case, I really didn’t care one way or the other. I just found her annoying and was waiting for something – anything – to happen that would catch my interest. That’s the second mistake: If your characters aren’t likable, at least try to make something interesting happen to them. Having failed both of those, I could have forgiven the film if it was at least funny, but it was not. A friend of mine, dissatisfied with Woody Allen’s movies from about ten years ago, said to me after watching Midnight in Paris, “He’s getting better.” Unfortunately, I don’t think Woody Allen’s films are like weather patterns. They’re more like pieces of fruit. Just ‘cuz the last one was sweet doesn’t mean the next one won’t be rotten.

It’s saying something that the biggest disappointments of last month were from Woody Allen and PIXAR. Maybe there’s hope for Hollywood yet. I can’t say many of the trailers for films being released in September have excited me, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised in the past. Even in a worst case scenario, August’s films were good enough to hold me over ‘til November.