Movie Twenty: This Is the End – Ironically, this
movie works better as a trailer than an actual feature film. In other words,
the bits and pieces are more amusing than the full scenes. I actually found the
party at the beginning much more entertaining than the rest of the movie. The
apocalypse kinda ruined everything (as, I suppose, the real apocalypse actually
would). Part of the problem is that they kill off most of the celebrities
within the first action sequence. It would’ve been more satisfying to have them
gradually picked off as the movie went on. It worked in Mars Attacks!* Another problem is the portrayal of the characters. It’s
usually amusing to see celebrities play caricatures of themselves (like Being John Malkovich and Neil Patrick Harris’ appearances in the Harold & Kumar series) and, generally, the more
cynical, the better. But, these guys all kinda come across as mean dicks – and
“dicks” is the perfect word because this movie is obsessed with penises. Well,
it’s probably even more obsessed with marijuana, but penises are a close second. If
you find that stuff hilarious, you’ll probably like this movie a lot. I don’t,
so I didn’t.
*Seems like most people would disagree since Mars Attacks! has the reputation of
being a pretty bad movie, but I loved it and found the arbitrary extermination
of so many A-list celebrities to be the most entertaining thing about it.
Regardless of anybody's feelings for Mars
Attacks! I have a hard time understanding why anybody’d think This Is the End is any better.
Movie Twenty-one: The Purge – Here’s another one I had
pretty low expectations of but was amazed by how much it drew me in. It’s been
largely chided by the critics because it sets itself up as a social allegory of
class warfare and an examination of what’s behind the friendly facades we indulge as a
civilized society, then it devolves into a straight-up action/horror thriller.
While it’s true they squandered the opportunity to achieve something more
profound, it still succeeds in what it actually sets out to do. And that’s not
a bad thing. This movie plays like a white-collar Assault on Precinct 13. It’s tense, unsettling, and ultimately
satisfying. It’ll probably vanish into obscurity by this time next year because
it borrows from so many other movies (Straw Dogs, Panic Room, The Strangers, to name a few), but I’d
actually like to see more movies about “The Purge”. By that, I don’t mean
sequels, I mean spin-offs, i.e. the experiences other people around the country
have on the same night. It’s a pretty intriguing scenario that (still) has
great potential. But, if this film is all we get, I’ll take it. If I have any
complaint, it’s that they didn’t go far enough
into the dark places society probably would go if something like “The Purge”
actually existed. That movie would probably be too hard to take, though.
Movie Twenty-two: Man of Steel – I suppose it’s unfair
to compare this movie with any other Superman story because there have been
soooooo many different versions over the years (not just in movies, but
television, comic books, novels, cartoons and even radio shows) that really any deviation from the legend we’ve
already seen should be a refreshing change. Why not have something completely
different? And Man of Steel certainly
does shake things up a bit. Most people’s reaction to the film will almost
certainly be based on whatever their current favorite incarnation is (or, at
least, whichever one they’re most familiar with) and how married they are to it.
For the record, I think Richard Donner’s Superman
from 1978 is, not only the best Superman movie of all time, but the best comic
book movie of all time. Consequently, I found myself constantly evaluating Man of Steel’s take of Kal-El’s origin
with that prejudice in mind. As the movie went on, though, I found those
thoughts evaporating. Not because Man of
Steel is so good that I accepted it as the new Superman canon, but because it’s
such an excessive assault on the senses, it was hard to be distracted by
anything else. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an entertaining movie and great fun to
watch, but there is so much relentless destruction in it that it barely feels
like a Superman movie and more like a disaster flick. I liked it and it’s
totally worth seeing, but just know going into it that it has more in common
with Transformers than Batman Begins.
Movie Twenty-three: Monsters University
– Monsters, Inc. has always been one
of my favorite PIXAR films. To date, I think it’s the premise that allowed for
the most boundless creative imagery – not only in the look of monsters, but in
the infinite settings provided by the international “doors”. And that climactic
“door chase” is hands-down one of the most imaginative action sequences ever
put on film. Not to mention, the whole movie is peppered with hysterical comedy
bits on par with classic Looney Tunes and yet also manages to be overwhelmingly
sweet without feeling the least bit sappy. Those reasons and more are why I’ve
always been perplexed by the general population’s assessment that Monsters, Inc. is one of the weaker
PIXAR flicks. Hopefully, Monsters University
will reinvigorate people’s appreciation for Monsters,
Inc. It’s not a better movie, but it is a very effective prequel and thus
enhances Monsters, Inc. accordingly.
There’s a particularly brilliant scene where Mike and Sully have to scare some
adults in order to save themselves, so they crank up the fright beyond kids’
level and, you know what? It’s pretty damn scary. A perfect lead-in as to why
Mike and Sully are so good at their jobs in Monsters, Inc. From now on, anybody who hasn’t seen either film
should watch them in the order they occur rather than in the order they were
made. It was smart of PIXAR to do a prequel instead of a sequel. They’ve been
getting a little heavy-handed with the sequels lately. In fact, they just
announced a Finding Nemo sequel
scheduled for release in late 2015. That’s fine, I guess, but if they’re gonna
keep returning to familiar territory, I wish they’d get to work on a follow-up
to the movie that downright begs for a continuation: The Incredibles. Now, that’s
something I can’t wait to see.
Movie Twenty-four: The Heat – I actually wasn’t
intending to see this movie at all. I was heading up to Cinetopia to catch
Sofia Coppola’s The Bling Ring, but a
car accident on the I-5 bridge made me late (I wasn’t involved in the accident,
by the way, and it didn’t look serious, in case you were wondering). Anyway, I
didn’t want my drive to Vancouver
to be for nothing, so I took a look at what else was on the menu. The Heat was starting in about a half
hour and, under the circumstances, I figured it was worth a look – even though
I’d previously decided I wasn’t going to bother with it. Turned out that this
movie was pretty hilarious. It’s such a nice (and rare) surprise when that
happens. It’s peculiar that the trailer made it seem like a contrived and
sophomoric comedy, but the truth is I laughed a lot and it maintained that
consistent level of humor throughout the entire film. While watching it (and
enjoying it right off the bat), I worried that maybe it was merely starting
strong and would taper off quickly. Not so. I really enjoyed it thoroughly. In
fact, my experience was pretty much the opposite of This Is The End. This Is The
End had a very funny trailer and turned out to be a pretty mediocre comedy
that started strong, but got old fast. The
Heat had a mediocre trailer that turned out to be probably the funniest movie
I’ve seen so far this year. I don’t believe I’ve ever been so grateful for a
traffic jam in my entire life.
Movie Twenty-five: White House Down – After subjecting
myself to the vapid nonsense that was 2012
(I’m talking about the movie, not the year), I swore to myself that I would
never sit through another Roland Emmerich piece of crap ever again. I meant it,
too. But, lo and behold, the freedom of my Golden Ticket coupled with how
unexpectedly pleased I was with The Heat
made me say, “Why not?” I figured it at least couldn’t be as bad as Olympus Has Fallen and might make for an
interesting comparison since they’re almost exactly the same plot. Boy, was I
wrong. It’s not as jingoistic or cynical as Olympus
Has Fallen, but it’s way more idiotic and far less entertaining. It might
have been fun to sit there with a pad and paper and make a list of all the
implausibilities, inconsistencies and downright errors in this movie. I started
trying to keep track of the absurd discrepancies, but there were too many to
keep up with. Had it been a drinking game, I’da passed out about 20 minutes in.
It’s seriously ridiculous. I can only imagine how offensive people who work for
the Secret Service would find White House
Down. This film would have you believe that the Secret Service never keeps
track of people coming and going, that the White House never locks any doors,
and that the President hob-nobs with tourists. Let me give you an example. This
is how the terrorists blow up the Capitol building: Some guy walks in, gets a
cleaning cart from the custodian’s closet, fills it with explosives, walks it
to the middle of the dome and leaves. He literally runs into a Secret Service
agent (a high-ranking one, no less) on his way to deliver the bomb and is
allowed to proceed by simply saying, “My supervisor told me to come through
here.” Oh, how this movie made me want to punch myself in the face. I don’t
know how a director could get worse and worse with every movie he makes. Who’da
thought I’d actually think Independence Day was a pretty good movie by comparison? So, I say this, here and now,
in writing: I will never see another
Roland Emmerich piece of crap ever again. I realize that putting it in a
blog is by no means legally binding nor an unbreakable vow, but at the very least,
it’s a reminder that nothing is worth sitting through a movie as bad as White House Down. It’s totally my fault,
too. If you keep going back to a poisoned well, you deserve to get sick.
So, overall, June was a pretty good month – better than May,
anyway. We’ll see how July measures up. I feel like I have a pretty good sense
of what movies to see and which to avoid, but it’d be nice to get a few good
surprises in there (like The Purge
and The Heat) and less
disappointments (like This Is The End
and White House Down). If nothing
else, there’s air-conditioning.
