Cinetopia Golden Ticket: August 2013

Previously, I bragged about fitting in seven movies over my usual six at Cinetopia. For August, I shattered that record with a whopping nine. Honestly, I don’t know how I did it. It wasn’t as if August was less busy. On the contrary, there was never a dull moment: I had a birthday, went to my high school reunion, raised enough money to publish a book, participated in Portland’s 48-hr Film Project, went to “Trek in the Park,” kept up with all the new episodes of “Breaking Bad,” and – on top of the nine films I saw at Cinetopia – I saw at least six more at the Hollywood Theatre (speaking of which, Fruitvale Station, 20 Feet from Stardom, and Joss Whedon’s Much Ado About Nothing are all quite good and well worth checking out). It made me realize that the reason my Cinetopia average is only six movies per month isn’t because I don’t have time to watch more; It’s because there aren’t more worth watching in any given month. August was a major exception, though. Some of the best movies of the year played last month.

Movie Thirty-three: 2 Guns – I was pretty devastated when Tony Scott took his life about this time last year. Not just because suicide is always tragic and not just because I thought he was a skilled auteur, but because he made a particular kind of movie that we don’t see too much of anymore. And, now that he’s gone, we’re likely to see it even less. There isn’t even a word to describe the kind of film I mean. Think about what abstract elements Top Gun, The Last Boy Scout, and Enemy of the State have in common and that’s what it is. The action movie that’s silly but not stupid, fun but not campy, violent but not grotesque, implausible but not unbelievable, frivolous but not lazy, accessible but not insulting. It’s a delicate equilibrium and Tony Scott made it look easy. Even the movies of his I didn’t particularly like, I still respected. 2 Guns is about the closest I’ve ever seen a movie come to re-creating Tony Scott’s magic since (and it stars Denzel Washington, Mr. Scott’s most oft-used leading man). 2 Guns has that aloof “too cool for school” atmosphere, well-crafted action scenes (that are actually relevant to the plot and – thankfully – not computer generated), charmingly duplicitous villains, and a lively sense of humor injected throughout. Not everyone will appreciate it, but I feel sorry for those people. Whenever I think I might be turning into a movie snob, I remember how much pleasure I get from rollercoaster-esque films like this and it brings me back to reality.

Movie Thirty-four: We’re the Millers – I love the idea for this movie. It’s like National Lampoon’s Vacation meets Blow. Plus, it’s got a strong cast that has great chemistry (both as total strangers and as a fake family). The characters are well-realized and they interact very naturalistically. Somewhere, however, it falls short. I suppose the easiest place to cast blame is in the writing, which is too bad because the writers were at least competent enough to create such strong exposition. I guess they just couldn’t finish what they started. That’s not to say this is a bad movie. I laughed a lot and enjoyed it for the most part. What I found disappointing was that it was poised for something great, but delivered something that was merely good. I guess what bothered me most was that it was so fraught with deus ex machina. The “Millers” get themselves into so many sticky situations, as the plot suggests, but their means of getting out of them are so simple and random it seems like the writers were more interested in moving onto the next scene than dealing with the one at hand. That’s a shame. This story and its characters deserve better.

Movie Thirty-five: Planes – I love all things PIXAR, but I think my least favorite of their films so far is Cars 2. I enjoyed the original Cars, but I didn’t think it merited a sequel and consequently found the sophomore installment pretty forgettable. I’m glad they made Planes instead of Cars 3, but not that glad. Planes is pretty much a combination of Cars (except, instead of a superstar who learns humility, we have an underdog who learns how to become a superstar) and Cars 2 (except instead of an international race that accompanies a spy thriller, we have simply an international race without any espionage subplot at all). Writer/director Klay Hall is pretty new to this (writing, directing, and being employed by PIXAR) and it shows. The aerial animation is fun to watch, but that’s about the only exceptional thing about it. I saw the film in 2-D, but I think it could possibly be better in 3-D. That’s not much of a compliment, though. I hate to say PIXAR has gotten to the point of “phoning it in”, but that’s what this film feels like. This close on the heels of the superb Monsters University, it seems more like Planes served as a practice round more than a serious attempt at another great film. The end credits announce that a sequel is already in the works. PIXAR has set the bar pretty high for themselves for many years, so I hope they up their game for Planes: Fire & Rescue next year. I’m pretty sure I’ll be less forgiving of it than I was towards Cars 2.

Movie Thirty-six: Elysium – In my recap of Pacific Rim last month, I expressed my admiration for Guillermo Del Toro’s handling of CGI. He should watch his back, though, because Neill Blomkamp is close to dethroning Mr. Del Toro. I didn’t think District 9 was worthy of an Oscar nomination for Best Picture, but I was pretty amazed by its stunning special effects and overall originality. Blomkamp delivers another unique mind-blowing adventure for his second feature proving at the very least that, as a writer/director, he is far from a one-hit wonder. This isn’t the best film of the year, but it just might be the most impressive. Like District 9, this film also has its share of social commentary (focusing mostly on immigration, poverty, and *gasp* universal health care). The story itself is very original and quite enthralling, but it’s all the extra stuff that really pushes it over the top. The technology in the film (manifested as weapons, tools, vehicles, medical devices, communications, etc) is awe-inspiring as well as logically realistic in a possible future. I was reminded of Minority Report, which employed similar tactics, but not as remarkably as here. The plot is smart, but fairly simple. The characters are likeable enough and matched by the villains’ flagitiousness. The action scenes are exciting and quite visceral. Although, I would like to make one sincere plea in response to this film (not just to Mr. Blomkamp, but to contemporary directors all over the world): Please stop with this shaky camera nonsense. The steady cam was invented for a reason and it works perfectly, so use it. While the shaky picture adds some sense of chaos and realism, it’s ultimately distracting and damn frustrating when the viewer can barely tell what’s going on. If you can just get over that shortcoming, Mr. Blomkamp, the throne is yours.

Movie Thirty-seven: Kick-Ass 2 – I did not like the original Kick-Ass, which is a pity because I was prepared to love it. I felt like it couldn’t decide between being an ironic misfit comedy or a gritty action drama (Imagine if Kevin Smith and Martin Scorcese tried to make a movie together). Consequently, the film failed as both a comedy and an action picture. Overall, I found it distastefully nihilistic, unappealingly brutal and one of the most mean-spirited films I’ve ever seen, so I approached this sequel prepared to see them go further down the spiral (especially since Jim Carrey said he couldn’t in good conscience promote the film due its violent content). The truth is, much to my surprise, I really liked it. I felt like it was exactly what its predecessor should have been: A well-constructed dark comedy with the kind of tongue-in-cheek action scenes that would make Robert Rodriguez smirk. It’s probably every bit as violent as the original, but somehow it doesn’t seem as cruel or cynical. Plus, the original had too many scenes that felt pointless and out of place, but this film seems more purposeful. It’s still quite silly and it wouldn’t surprise me if more people hate it than love it, but it’s exceptionally rare for me to enjoy the sequel to a movie I thought sucked pretty bad. The epilogue after the end credits indicates that they have every intention of making a Kick-Ass 3. I’m totally okay with that, provided they continue to learn from their mistakes.

Movie Thirty-eight: The Butler – I remember, the night Barack Obama was elected President in November of 2008, I was at the Democratic Party of Oregon’s rally at the Convention Center in Portland – not because I’m a hard-core Democrat, but because a friend had an extra ticket and it seemed like an exciting place to be on election night. By the time we got there, Obama had already been declared the winner and the building was vibrating with shouts and cheers of victory and relief – up until Obama delivered his acceptance speech. The entire hall, filled with who knows how many thousands of people, went totally silent. I was standing below one of the projection screens broadcasting his speech, putting me pretty much at the front of the crowd. I decided to turn around and look at the audience instead of up at the president for the duration of the speech. I figured if I wanted to see the president’s acceptance speech, I could watch it online later. Instead, I opted to watch the faces of his supporters while I listened to his words. One woman in the crowd stood out to me and I ended up watching her the whole time. She was standing about five or six feet away from me and had no idea she was the focus of my attention because she was so riveted by what was onscreen. She was a server – probably employed by the convention center – who was there to offer attendees drinks and collect empties, pick up trash for people too preoccupied to find a garbage can and that kinda stuff. She looked sharp in her black slacks and white shirt with a bow tie. I had noticed her before because she had offered me a drink from her tray, which I accepted and thanked her, but hadn’t given her much thought until I saw her watching the president’s speech. Her fingers were clasped in front of her mouth as though she was praying and, besides blinking, she remained absolutely still. There was no need for her to serve because everyone else was just as rapt as she was. I could tell this moment meant more to her than the majority of the people in that convention hall, though. Not just because of her body language and facial expression, but because she was black. And this moment was huge. Her eyes glistened, but I never saw a tear and she stood there and watched the president say “If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer,” and didn’t move. Then, when the president concluded, and the rest of the crowd erupted in ear-shattering applause, she picked up her tray and went right back to work. I never spoke to her, yet she taught me so much about, not only how far we’d come as a country, but also how much further we had to go. I realize I haven’t said a thing about The Butler as a movie, but I will say it had the same effect on me as that anonymous woman did five years ago. I can’t think of a better way to sum it up than that.

Movie Thirty-nine: The World’s End – When it comes to Sci-Fi, Horror, Action and Comedy, you can usually combine any two of those genres and come up with a good movie. Any three, you’re going out on a limb, but it can still be done by an adept enough filmmaker. Try to do all four at once and you’re really asking for trouble. Edgar Wright has worked his way up, though, and has miraculously pulled off a brilliant “foursome” that entertains exceedingly on all four levels. This movie is amazing. The first half-hour or so is the British ensemble cast deftly exchanging pithy remarks in a rapid-fire pace that exceeds the laugh count of most modern day comedies. That in itself is a movie well worth watching, but no: Robots attack after exposition has been well established and the movie continuously cranks up the laughs, the excitement and the surprises until the end credits roll. This movie was everything I hoped This is The End would be (and sadly was not). I would have been perfectly satisfied if 2013 didn’t bring forth a film as funny as The Heat (because that movie was pretty damn funny), but The World’s End is such an overwhelmingly relentless amusement park of a movie, that to expect more from a motion picture is really asking too much. One thing’s for sure: There’s no point in making a top ten list of the best bar fights in a movie ‘cuz The World’s End contains all ten.

Movie Forty: The Spectacular Now – Romantic comedies, be they good or bad, all pretty much have the exact same plot. The details within are infinite, but the essence remains the same and thus is probably the most challenging area of storytelling to inject with enough originality to not feel redundant. On top of that (and perhaps even more importantly), the characters have to be extra likeable and more realistic than most other movies or else the audience isn’t going to buy into it. One shortcut towards achieving that is to go with the coming-of-age plotline. Because that’s such a convenient template for romantic comedies, I always have a tremendous amount of respect for films that venture outside the comfort zone of that genre. We all know that adolescence is hard, but few movies really truly demonstrate – to the point where the viewer is practically re-experiencing the anguish along with the characters – exactly how hard it can be at times. That’s a lofty goal to set for one’s self, but – when they hit it – it really makes for a powerful film. The amazing thing about The Spectacular Now is that it maintains that everything is fine on the surface. The characters laugh and joke and have a good time and yeah, they have their problems, but that’s cool, y’know? But emotions run high, vulnerabilities are exposed, and things come to a boil culminating into scenes that are as heartbreaking as they are touching. To explain how would be to ruin the movie, because movies like this, after all, are meant to be experienced along with the characters in it. And when they hit the point where they’ve become so overwhelmed that they need a shoulder to cry on, you want to cry along with them.

Movie Forty-one: Blue Jasmine – People often ask the question “Are you a Woody Allen fan?” as if you either love his movies, or you don’t. While there are a number of styles, techniques and subject matters employed regularly by Mr. Allen, I find his films different enough to be able to say I love some, like some and hate some. In others words, I find that question unfair. I didn’t see his previous film, but I did see the one before that and liked it a lot – enough to be excited to see Blue Jasmine. Unfortunately, I did not like Blue Jasmine at all. One common element that I think all Woody Allen films do have in common is that they’re character-driven. So, if you don’t like the characters, you probably won’t like the film. That’s certainly the case here. Much as I love Cate Blanchette (and even as good as her performance is in this movie), I really hated her character. Sometimes that can serve the story if you care enough to see them get their comeuppance, but in this case, I really didn’t care one way or the other. I just found her annoying and was waiting for something – anything – to happen that would catch my interest. That’s the second mistake: If your characters aren’t likable, at least try to make something interesting happen to them. Having failed both of those, I could have forgiven the film if it was at least funny, but it was not. A friend of mine, dissatisfied with Woody Allen’s movies from about ten years ago, said to me after watching Midnight in Paris, “He’s getting better.” Unfortunately, I don’t think Woody Allen’s films are like weather patterns. They’re more like pieces of fruit. Just ‘cuz the last one was sweet doesn’t mean the next one won’t be rotten.

It’s saying something that the biggest disappointments of last month were from Woody Allen and PIXAR. Maybe there’s hope for Hollywood yet. I can’t say many of the trailers for films being released in September have excited me, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised in the past. Even in a worst case scenario, August’s films were good enough to hold me over ‘til November.

Drawing a Circle of Life

I had my 20-year high school reunion last weekend. As you would imagine, it was quite interesting. Although (as with the 10^th), the most interesting things were the unexpected things. I have an impeccable memory. Until about my 20’s, I didn’t really realize how vivid and sharp my memory was. Not just stuff that happened long ago, but also stuff that’s really obscure that normal people naturally forget. Knowing this (or quickly discovering it at the reunion), many of my fellow alumni came to me for “verification” of a number of things – chiefly among them, “What’s his/her name?” I think this talent for meticulous recall is due more to sentimentality than higher brain function. I remember people and experiences that meant something to me and I was quite fond of my former classmates – even the ones I didn’t particularly like. So, imagine my surprise when they were able to “one-up” me.

I’ve always been a “drawer.” I hated that term growing up because, to me, a “drawer” was something you put socks and underwear into, not “one who draws.” However, I’ve now come to recognize that as an accurate description. “Artist” is too broad and I’m not much of a “painter.” You could call me an “illustrator” and be correct, but I feel like what I really and truly do – and have always done – is draw. I’ve been drawing longer than I’ve known how to read and write. So, growing up, that’s what the kids with whom I shared my childhood knew me for.

Anyway, what surprised me about the reunion (and what I’m referring to by saying I was “one-upped”), was how many former classmates of mine – who had all but disappeared from my life and presumably forgotten about me entirely – still had drawings that I done back in the day. I’m sure, by my standards, they’re terrible and most likely depict whatever pop culture was prevalent at the time (like Freddy Krueger, Spuds McKenzie, or the California Raisins), but it was very touching to me that these people would hang onto things that I would have thrown away (and did) many years ago. That is probably the greatest compliment of my life and it was incredible how many of these people still had works of mine stashed away with other mementos that had survived years of growing up and moving on.

I think I have a pretty good idea why they did hang onto these drawings all this time, although I’m amazed their objective remained so steadfast as to carry over into adulthood: It wasn’t uncommon for my childhood peers to say, “You’re gonna be a famous artist someday. This’ll be worth a lotta money then.” This being some dorky drawing I just cranked out to amuse them. I was flattered by their confidence in me, but I also laughed every time they said it. Even in high school, friends insisted I draw in their yearbook rather than sign them. I obliged, so if I ever do become famous enough to where my early work is valuable, you’ll likely see a lot of Hood River Valley High School yearbooks from the early 90’s on eBay selling for exorbitant amounts.

After high school, I went to a college of art since that seemed like the obvious thing to do. I didn’t want to waste my time with classes that weren’t art-related. After I graduated, I went into advertising design (or “Art Direction” as it is known in the profession). Not much room for mainstream celebrity there. I never really aspired to be a famous artist, though. As a kid, I always wanted to draw for MAD magazine, but that was more because I loved the subject matter, not because it was widespread publication. The closest I came to something of that caliber was when I worked for Zthing – a viral marketing company that did animated shorts and games for downloading and forwarding and so on. We had over a million subscribers at our peak, so that meant whatever I wrote, drew, animated, and – in some cases – performed voice talent for, had a built-in audience. It even culminated into developing a pilot for an animated sketch-comedy program for Comedy Central (kind of a cartoon version of “Saturday Night Live”) called “Hot Monkey Sex.” The show didn’t get picked up and Zthing eventually lost its funding and closed its doors during the dot com crash in the early 21^st century. I figured that was my shot at “fame,” artistically speaking. Of course, I was only about 27 at the time, so that’s a pretty cynical way of looking at it. It’s not like I’m aspiring to be a professional athlete. An artist (or “drawer,” as it were) doesn’t even need to be able to walk to produce good work.

So, here I am at my 20-year high school reunion and people are asking me the inevitable question “So, what’re you up to these days?” While I am clearly still not famous, I was very pleased to have something interesting to say (even if only interesting to me): I’ve been drawing pictures for a kids’ book that I’m very proud of and hope to self-publish if I can raise the money. Somewhat inadvertently, I’ve started a publishing company since my partner and I have several more picture books in mind (no less than five more, at the moment) and maybe even a few regular books (since both of us have written novels that may one day be fit for public consumption).

So, this book – entitled The Owl & The Wave – is the first step to, dare I say, greatness? It’s certainly great to me. At least, it feels great. It feels great to create again. To be drawing again like I did as a child, as a teenager, as a college student, and now am doing again as an adult (and should have been doing all along). We launched the kickstarter campaign yesterday and hit 15% of our funding for self-publishing The Owl & The Wave on the first day! I’m getting very excited and it’s hard for me to talk about (or even think about) anything else.

So, here I am taking the first steps of a renaissance. My own artistic renaissance – the future uncertain, but wonderfully optimistic. You can be a part of it, too. Yes, you. Go to www.kickstarter.com/projects/postareddy/the-owl-and-the-wave and contribute to the cause before September 12th and you can get a signed copy of the book and even some original art of mine. Quite a bargain considering someday I’m gonna be famous (as several children born in the mid-70’s and raised in the Columbia Gorge have declared many times over). If this book does well, the next will do even better and so on and so forth. And then, when I go to my 30^th high school reunion, everybody’ll say, “See? I knew it. Glad I hung onto those drawings of yours.”

Cinetopia Golden Ticket: July 2013

I breached my six-movie average to seven in July. Actually, I almost hit eight (which would’ve been a record) since I considered checking out The To-Do List on the last day of the month. Couldn’t bring myself to do it, though. Not because I was sick of watching movies (that’ll never happen), but because the trailers couldn’t really sell me on it; mostly because I’m not crazy about Aubrey Plaza. I appreciate dead-pan performances, but she just strikes me as downright emotionless. Anyway, why am I talking about movies I didn’t see? These are the ones I did:

Movie Twenty-six: Despicable Me 2 – The first Despicable Me wasn’t that long ago, yet I don’t remember much about it. I remember I liked it, but beyond that, all I really recall is that the minions stole the show. The same is true here (probably even more so this time). However, I’m relieved the filmmakers had sense enough to not make them the focal point of the movie because, even as amusing as they are, I don’t think they could support a whole feature film on their own (a concept actually referenced over the end credits with “auditions” for a minion movie). While this is a pretty unnecessary (if not downright pointless) sequel, it’s not without its good moments. Indeed there are some genuine laugh-out-loud gags and it remains consistently entertaining enough to never feel tiresome. The showing I was at had both kids and adults laughing a lot and I can’t imagine this movie aspiring to accomplish anything more than that. However, I’m also fairly certain I won’t remember much about it by the time Despicable Me 3 comes out.

Movie Twenty-seven: Pacific Rim – I was expecting something more like Independence Day (in terms of structure, not content or the lacking quality thereof). In other words: Monsters attack, humans rally, robots are built, vengeance is served. But, after a short preamble, they flash forward to where the monsters have already destroyed a great deal of the planet (giant robots included) and the movie we’re about to watch is humanity’s last-ditch effort at victory (with whatever robots are left). While I felt deprived of what would probably be an equally good origin movie, I can’t complain since the way they did it gets you right into the action from the get-go. Not many surprises here. If you’ve seen the trailers, you’ve pretty much seen the movie. But, on that note, if you liked the trailers, you’ll like the movie. Guillermo Del Toro is a master at wielding CGI. He’s even better at it than Spielberg. I can’t put my finger on what he does differently, but somehow, it seems so much more authentic and never feels cartoony. More importantly, the action sequences (while truly epic) don’t feel overwhelming or disorganized (like they did in Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel). It’s not easy to do right, but it’s quite effective when it is. On those grounds, Pacific Rim is Del Toro’s masterpiece. I’ve been thinking for years that I’d like to see a live-action “Voltron” movie. Now, I don’t think we need one.

Movie Twenty-eight: The Lone Ranger – I can’t say I liked this movie all that much, but it was probably the most interesting movie experience I’ve had so far this year. Y’see, my dad was a huge Lone Ranger fan when he was a kid. He used to listen to the radio show in the late 40’s/early 50’s religiously – literally never missed an episode. To this day, he can still recite the introductory speech by heart. He was such a big fan of the original Lone Ranger that he held the subsequent television series starring Clayton Moore – widely considered the definitive Lone Ranger (just as Bela Lugosi is considered the definitive Dracula) – in contempt, finding it corny and ridiculous. He’d been saying for years how he wished they’d make a Lone Ranger movie and do it right. A version made in 1981 bombed so bad, I don’t even think he saw it. So, he got excited when he heard a new one was in the works. It was heartbreaking to see his excitement wane with every update about this latest version (starting with the news that Johnny Depp would play Tonto). It got to the point where my dad pretty much gave up and decided that, since this was the closest he was ever going to get to a bona fide Lone Ranger film in his lifetime (he’s 73 – although, at the rate Hollywood’s doing “reboots”, he may actually still get another chance), he’d just hafta take what he could get. His exact words were, “I'm training my mind to not look at this movie as being about the Lone Ranger, but a western with a lot of special effects. Maybe that will make it acceptable.” We went to see the movie together and I braced myself for his walking out in disgust (although it was probably more likely that he’d just fall asleep). Now, I don’t know much about the Lone Ranger, but I have my own impressions of how the legend should be represented. This wasn’t a horrible movie, but it certainly squandered its potential by making what I thought were poor decisions. For starters, the Lone Ranger himself is kind of a bumbling fool and a very reluctant hero. That doesn’t seem right to me. Even more implausibly, he seems to go from a wimpy priss to an expert-marksman/master-equestrian overnight. Almost everything Tonto says is a punchline and he’s more comic relief than faithful sidekick. Sporadically, there are several awkward attempts to make the movie appealing to modern audiences. For instance, the familiar catch phrase “Who was that masked man?” is replaced by “What’s with the mask?” and “Hi-yo, Silver! Away!” is played for laughs. Even when they finally perform the William Tell Overture, it seems more like an ironic joke than a triumphant fanfare. So, I walked out of the theater shaking my head and thinking my father was going to go home and slit his wrists. Imagine my surprise when he said, “That was good.” Apparently, it was more true to form than I was even aware. Things I thought the filmmakers had just fabricated were actually part of the original story – even certain minor events and smaller characters. Remember that scene in A Christmas Story when the dad is answering trivia questions and asks the name of the Lone Ranger’s nephew’s horse? Well, the nephew’s in there too and was indeed The Lone Ranger’s only surviving relative in the legend. So, as weak as the movie was, they at least did their research and I hafta respect that. The one thing my dad did take exception to was the overabundance of CGI. Can’t say I blame him. It was phony-looking and thus distracting. If Gore Verbinski had the command of special effects that Guillermo Del Toro had, this would have been a much better movie. More importantly, this film shouldn’t have tried to be something it wasn’t. One of the saving graces of the recent Captain America film was that it embraced its timeframe and felt nostalgic, like an old swashbuckling movie serial. The Lone Ranger seemed to want to have it both ways, which created a mess. Audiences have reacted accordingly and it’s turned out to be one of this summer’s biggest flops. All that matters to me, though, is that my dad enjoyed it. After 50+ years of waiting, he finally got his Lone Ranger movie. I’m happy for him.

Movie Twenty-nine: The Conjuring – This has got to be the most derivative horror film I’ve ever seen. I realize that horror films by their very nature have to use similar gimmicks employed by movies made before them, but this is ridiculous. This movie is basically a checklist of horror movie clichés that could be entitled “What’s that from?” I’m not kidding, it borrows elements from 1944’s The Uninvited to 2007’s Paranormal Activity (and every haunted ghost story ever made in between). There’s even a creepy old car that resembles Christine. It’s comprised of so many movies we’ve already seen, the filmmakers might as well have made it a spoof and called it Scary Movie 6. One might argue that the movie is the way it is because it’s “based on a true story”. Right. I saw a documentary that interviewed Lorraine Warren (the paranormal investigator portrayed by Vera Farmiga in this movie) and the one thing about her I believe to be true is that she’s bat-shit crazy. Realism is irrelevant in this case, anyway. As Jack Nicholson said about being directed by Stanley Kubrick in The Shining: Just because something’s realistic doesn’t mean it’s interesting. The Conjuring is neither realistic nor interesting. It’s not scary, either.

Movie Thirty: R.I.P.D. – Speaking of derivative, R.I.P.D. clearly tried to re-create the magic of Men In Black by taking the exact same formula and simply replacing the aliens with ghosts. Unfortunately, what the filmmakers failed to realize is that it wasn’t the aliens that made Men In Black great, it was the humans. The chemistry and banter between Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith was what really sold that premise. Plus, everything was thought out so comprehensively in Men In Black, they made every ridiculous scenario seem hilariously plausible. So much of R.I.P.D. doesn’t make sense. I’m perfectly willing to suspend my disbelief for any movie that deserves it (in fact, that’s what I want from every movie), but you’ve gotta meet me half way. I don’t want to go into too many details about the number of things that made me scratch my head because that would take too long (and, frankly, I don’t want to frustrate myself further by dismantling a movie so perplexing), but here’s an example: You’ve probably seen in the trailer that the officers of R.I.P.D. have “avatars” so they can work undercover amongst the living. Ryan Reynolds’ avatar is an elderly Chinese man. That’s great. It’s ironic, it’s effective and it’s amusing. However, Jeff Bridges’ avatar is a smoking-hot blonde who, for some reason, wears a tight, form-fitting, low-cut dress. Clearly, the writers did that to be funny, but the gag is nullified by its senselessness. If you’re working undercover – especially as covertly as a spirit among the living – how is it effective to draw attention to yourself by being exceptionally good-looking? Even the movie itself shows how inconvenient it is since human bystanders are constantly ogling Officer Pulsipher and, in some cases, interrupting their investigation by hitting on him. It’s kinda funny, but not funny enough to justify its absurdity. The whole movie’s strung together by such aberrations that I just couldn’t swallow it. I was ready, willing and able to buy the concept of deceased lawmen hunting fugitive spirits, but I guess the filmmakers weren’t willing to take it as seriously as I was.

Movie Thirty-one: The Wolverine – I didn’t see X-Men Origins: Wolverine until a month or two ago and, I gotta say, I think it kinda got a bum rap. It’s not a particularly good movie, but it’s nowhere near the stinky turd everyone made it out to be. Never really having read X-Men comics, my pre-conceived notions were minimal at best, so maybe that’s why. At the very least, I thought it delivered enough mutant vs. mutant action to be worth watching. The Wolverine is a better movie, but seriously lacks in the mutant department. There are a couple in there besides Wolverine, but for all intents and purposes, this more closely resembles a samurai flick than a superhero movie. In a lot of ways, that’s a good thing. It’s a good thing mainly because it makes this a decent individual movie (as opposed to a chapter in a series). With the exception of references to the end of X-Men: The Last Stand and an epilogue that sets the stage for X-Men: Days of Future Past, there’s not much connection to the other movies and you don’t even need to have seen the previous installments (unless you require the basic exposition of Wolverine’s character, which the movie sums up well enough as it goes along) to get the gist of it. Frankly, given the haphazard non-sequential chronology they’ve been following with these movies, it’s felt a bit confusing trying to keep the timeline straight. Doesn’t sound like X-Men: Days of Future Past is gonna cut us any slack, either, since it will contain characters from all different time continuums. So, a stand-alone film with minimal mutants and a self-contained story is actually quite refreshing. Plus, Hugh Jackman as Wolverine is always entertaining any way you slice it.

Movie Thirty-two: The Way Way Back – It occurred to me the other day that so much of everyone’s childhood is just waiting. By that, I mean all the times your mother or father would take you somewhere merely because they had errands to run and you were too young to look after yourself. I was thinking of all the times I sat in a shopping cart while my mom bought groceries or being in the car with my dad while dropped stuff off to and from work or even in the waiting room of the doctor’s office because my brother was sick, not me (to say nothing of all the “naps” I was forced to take where I just laid there wide awake looking up at the ceiling and thinking what total bullshit naps were). Suddenly, I felt deprived of a significant percentage of my youth by having to sit quietly and patiently while not playing, learning, or even working. My thinking on this didn’t even extend into my pre-driver’s license adolescence. That opens up a whole new level of painful memories and this movie is almost entirely based around those miseries. It effectively illustrates how sucky it is to be drug along on family outings (and exactly why they suck), but it kinda fails in its coming-of-age moments of actualization and redemption. Not from lack of trying, there are some great set-ups, but the outcomes aren’t as satisfying or realistic as I was hoping. Overall, the movie is basically the same story as 2009’s Adventureland, with a bit more emphasis on family. In other words, there’s nothing much new here. That’s okay, though. It’s important to tell stories like this every few years so we don’t forget our own experiences growing up. This movie wasn’t nearly as touching as it aspired to be, but I appreciated it for making me feel reflective.

And so, onto August. Not sure what my first movie will be, but it probably still won’t be The To-Do List.

Cinetopia Golden Ticket: June 2013

So, it seems I’m averaging about six movies a month at Cinetopia with my Golden Ticket. As I write this, I can feel the sunburn on my back tingling, so it’s not like I’m depriving myself of time outside in the beautiful weather. That’s good to know. Still, I’d like every movie I see to be worth not being outside for. For the most part, I did pretty well. So, here’s how my June in the darkened theater has been:

Movie Twenty: This Is the End – Ironically, this movie works better as a trailer than an actual feature film. In other words, the bits and pieces are more amusing than the full scenes. I actually found the party at the beginning much more entertaining than the rest of the movie. The apocalypse kinda ruined everything (as, I suppose, the real apocalypse actually would). Part of the problem is that they kill off most of the celebrities within the first action sequence. It would’ve been more satisfying to have them gradually picked off as the movie went on. It worked in Mars Attacks!* Another problem is the portrayal of the characters. It’s usually amusing to see celebrities play caricatures of themselves (like Being John Malkovich and Neil Patrick Harris’ appearances in the Harold & Kumar series) and, generally, the more cynical, the better. But, these guys all kinda come across as mean dicks – and “dicks” is the perfect word because this movie is obsessed with penises. Well, it’s probably even more obsessed with marijuana, but penises are a close second. If you find that stuff hilarious, you’ll probably like this movie a lot. I don’t, so I didn’t.

*Seems like most people would disagree since Mars Attacks! has the reputation of being a pretty bad movie, but I loved it and found the arbitrary extermination of so many A-list celebrities to be the most entertaining thing about it. Regardless of anybody's feelings for Mars Attacks! I have a hard time understanding why anybody’d think This Is the End is any better.

Movie Twenty-one: The Purge – Here’s another one I had pretty low expectations of but was amazed by how much it drew me in. It’s been largely chided by the critics because it sets itself up as a social allegory of class warfare and an examination of what’s behind the friendly facades we indulge as a civilized society, then it devolves into a straight-up action/horror thriller. While it’s true they squandered the opportunity to achieve something more profound, it still succeeds in what it actually sets out to do. And that’s not a bad thing. This movie plays like a white-collar Assault on Precinct 13. It’s tense, unsettling, and ultimately satisfying. It’ll probably vanish into obscurity by this time next year because it borrows from so many other movies (Straw Dogs, Panic Room, The Strangers, to name a few), but I’d actually like to see more movies about “The Purge”. By that, I don’t mean sequels, I mean spin-offs, i.e. the experiences other people around the country have on the same night. It’s a pretty intriguing scenario that (still) has great potential. But, if this film is all we get, I’ll take it. If I have any complaint, it’s that they didn’t go far enough into the dark places society probably would go if something like “The Purge” actually existed. That movie would probably be too hard to take, though.

Movie Twenty-two: Man of Steel – I suppose it’s unfair to compare this movie with any other Superman story because there have been soooooo many different versions over the years (not just in movies, but television, comic books, novels, cartoons and even radio shows) that really any deviation from the legend we’ve already seen should be a refreshing change. Why not have something completely different? And Man of Steel certainly does shake things up a bit. Most people’s reaction to the film will almost certainly be based on whatever their current favorite incarnation is (or, at least, whichever one they’re most familiar with) and how married they are to it. For the record, I think Richard Donner’s Superman from 1978 is, not only the best Superman movie of all time, but the best comic book movie of all time. Consequently, I found myself constantly evaluating Man of Steel’s take of Kal-El’s origin with that prejudice in mind. As the movie went on, though, I found those thoughts evaporating. Not because Man of Steel is so good that I accepted it as the new Superman canon, but because it’s such an excessive assault on the senses, it was hard to be distracted by anything else. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an entertaining movie and great fun to watch, but there is so much relentless destruction in it that it barely feels like a Superman movie and more like a disaster flick. I liked it and it’s totally worth seeing, but just know going into it that it has more in common with Transformers than Batman Begins.

Movie Twenty-three: Monsters University – Monsters, Inc. has always been one of my favorite PIXAR films. To date, I think it’s the premise that allowed for the most boundless creative imagery – not only in the look of monsters, but in the infinite settings provided by the international “doors”. And that climactic “door chase” is hands-down one of the most imaginative action sequences ever put on film. Not to mention, the whole movie is peppered with hysterical comedy bits on par with classic Looney Tunes and yet also manages to be overwhelmingly sweet without feeling the least bit sappy. Those reasons and more are why I’ve always been perplexed by the general population’s assessment that Monsters, Inc. is one of the weaker PIXAR flicks. Hopefully, Monsters University will reinvigorate people’s appreciation for Monsters, Inc. It’s not a better movie, but it is a very effective prequel and thus enhances Monsters, Inc. accordingly. There’s a particularly brilliant scene where Mike and Sully have to scare some adults in order to save themselves, so they crank up the fright beyond kids’ level and, you know what? It’s pretty damn scary. A perfect lead-in as to why Mike and Sully are so good at their jobs in Monsters, Inc. From now on, anybody who hasn’t seen either film should watch them in the order they occur rather than in the order they were made. It was smart of PIXAR to do a prequel instead of a sequel. They’ve been getting a little heavy-handed with the sequels lately. In fact, they just announced a Finding Nemo sequel scheduled for release in late 2015. That’s fine, I guess, but if they’re gonna keep returning to familiar territory, I wish they’d get to work on a follow-up to the movie that downright begs for a continuation: The Incredibles. Now, that’s something I can’t wait to see.

Movie Twenty-four: The Heat – I actually wasn’t intending to see this movie at all. I was heading up to Cinetopia to catch Sofia Coppola’s The Bling Ring, but a car accident on the I-5 bridge made me late (I wasn’t involved in the accident, by the way, and it didn’t look serious, in case you were wondering). Anyway, I didn’t want my drive to Vancouver to be for nothing, so I took a look at what else was on the menu. The Heat was starting in about a half hour and, under the circumstances, I figured it was worth a look – even though I’d previously decided I wasn’t going to bother with it. Turned out that this movie was pretty hilarious. It’s such a nice (and rare) surprise when that happens. It’s peculiar that the trailer made it seem like a contrived and sophomoric comedy, but the truth is I laughed a lot and it maintained that consistent level of humor throughout the entire film. While watching it (and enjoying it right off the bat), I worried that maybe it was merely starting strong and would taper off quickly. Not so. I really enjoyed it thoroughly. In fact, my experience was pretty much the opposite of This Is The End. This Is The End had a very funny trailer and turned out to be a pretty mediocre comedy that started strong, but got old fast. The Heat had a mediocre trailer that turned out to be probably the funniest movie I’ve seen so far this year. I don’t believe I’ve ever been so grateful for a traffic jam in my entire life.

Movie Twenty-five: White House Down – After subjecting myself to the vapid nonsense that was 2012 (I’m talking about the movie, not the year), I swore to myself that I would never sit through another Roland Emmerich piece of crap ever again. I meant it, too. But, lo and behold, the freedom of my Golden Ticket coupled with how unexpectedly pleased I was with The Heat made me say, “Why not?” I figured it at least couldn’t be as bad as Olympus Has Fallen and might make for an interesting comparison since they’re almost exactly the same plot. Boy, was I wrong. It’s not as jingoistic or cynical as Olympus Has Fallen, but it’s way more idiotic and far less entertaining. It might have been fun to sit there with a pad and paper and make a list of all the implausibilities, inconsistencies and downright errors in this movie. I started trying to keep track of the absurd discrepancies, but there were too many to keep up with. Had it been a drinking game, I’da passed out about 20 minutes in. It’s seriously ridiculous. I can only imagine how offensive people who work for the Secret Service would find White House Down. This film would have you believe that the Secret Service never keeps track of people coming and going, that the White House never locks any doors, and that the President hob-nobs with tourists. Let me give you an example. This is how the terrorists blow up the Capitol building: Some guy walks in, gets a cleaning cart from the custodian’s closet, fills it with explosives, walks it to the middle of the dome and leaves. He literally runs into a Secret Service agent (a high-ranking one, no less) on his way to deliver the bomb and is allowed to proceed by simply saying, “My supervisor told me to come through here.” Oh, how this movie made me want to punch myself in the face. I don’t know how a director could get worse and worse with every movie he makes. Who’da thought I’d actually think Independence Day was a pretty good movie by comparison? So, I say this, here and now, in writing: I will never see another Roland Emmerich piece of crap ever again. I realize that putting it in a blog is by no means legally binding nor an unbreakable vow, but at the very least, it’s a reminder that nothing is worth sitting through a movie as bad as White House Down. It’s totally my fault, too. If you keep going back to a poisoned well, you deserve to get sick.

So, overall, June was a pretty good month – better than May, anyway. We’ll see how July measures up. I feel like I have a pretty good sense of what movies to see and which to avoid, but it’d be nice to get a few good surprises in there (like The Purge and The Heat) and less disappointments (like This Is The End and White House Down). If nothing else, there’s air-conditioning.

Cinetopia Golden Ticket: May 2013

Ever since Steven Spielberg swept the box office with the release of JAWS in the later half of June 1975, the season for summer Hollywood blockbusters seems to have started earlier each year. By my calculations, this year’s summer movie line-up began the first weekend in May and it looks like next year they’ll be starting in April with the release of the next installment of Captain America. It won’t be long before the summer movie season starts right after it ends. In any case, here are the early birds I deemed worthy of checking out in the month of May. I was pleased that none of them were particularly awful (unlike too many selections from my two previous posts), but there are few you can skip and not lose any sleep over.

Movie Fourteen: Iron Man 3 – I absolutely loved the original Iron Man, but I wasn’t terribly fond of Iron Man 2. That doesn’t mean I disliked it, it just didn’t invigorate me the way its predecessor did. We all know sequels are almost never as good as the originals and that seems especially true of superhero movies because their origin stories are almost always more compelling than their subsequent adventures. That means the burden for a superhero movie sequel’s level of quality rests most heavily on the villains. Spider-Man 2 and The Dark Knight really delivered in those departments, but most others fail to deliver a compelling enough villain to cover the deficit. When you add a third movie, you’re facing an even bigger challenge (Spider-Man 3 and The Dark Knight Rises, for example, being the weakest installments of their respective series). Iron Man 3 kinda painted itself into a corner since it’s not only a follow-up to Iron Man 2, but The Avengers as well. That said, they didn’t do too bad a job. It’s just a bit familiar and unspectacular is all. I will applaud them for being creative, though. As I said, villains are the fulcrum with superhero sequels and Ben Kingsley delivers a grand performance as The Mandarin (in a way you least expect). Still, I’m not sure we need an Iron Man 4. I’ll take an Avengers 2, though.

Movie Fifteen: The Great Gatsby – I’m not sure I’m really qualified to critique this movie since I have never read the book, I haven’t seen the 1974 film version, nor have I seen any of Baz Luhrmann’s other films (except Romeo + Juliet back when it first came out). So, I have no real basis of comparison. Although, on the other hand, maybe that makes me the ideal person to offer an opinion since a good movie should stand on its own, correct? With that in mind, I found it compelling enough. Anyone who’s seen the trailer will know it’s quite flashy, but it has enough integrity not to drown in its own style. In fact, the best things it has going for it are the performances (especially Elizabeth Debicki, who – if she chooses the right roles in the years to come – could become a big star) and that’s a pretty impressive stand-out in a movie this visually abundant. The earnestness of the performances actually makes the overwhelming use of CGI less distracting and even the obvious anachronisms didn’t bother me. I was, of course, aware the entire time that I was watching a movie, but that’s not necessarily a drawback as long as it’s interesting enough. The movie’s nearly two-and-a-half hours long and I didn’t look at my watch once, so what does that tell you?

Movie Sixteen: Star Trek Into Darkness – This is probably the easiest movie in the world to recommend or dissuade. It really boils down to one question: Did you enjoy J.J. Abrams’ previous Star Trek movie? If you did, you’ll like this one. If you didn’t, you won’t. Star Trek Into Darkness is pretty much more of the same, but cranked up a notch so none of it feels rehashed or repetitive. There are, of course, the cynics and die-hard trekkies out there all too happy to tear it apart and that’s their right (I’m prone to the same tendencies when it comes to other certain movies), but really this is pure escapism done right and I had an absolute blast watching it. Gene Roddenberry seemed more interested in social allegory and philosophical commentary, but J.J. Abrams has opted for space opera. That’s probably what’s divided the fans. I grew up in a “Star Trek” household in that my mom and brother were huge fans of the show, so I have a vicarious appreciation for its roots, but don’t feel betrayed by the tangents this new series is exploring. In fact, I’m probably poised to appreciate the changes as much as anyone possibly can since I’m familiar with its origins, but not married to them. We’ll see what I think of STAR WARS after Abrams gets his hands on that.

Movie Seventeen: Epic – To really get my “money’s worth” out of my Golden Ticket, I try to see one movie a week, if I can. However, even though new movies come out with every week, it’s often a challenge to find one I’m willing to watch even for free in a high-end theater. Sometimes, even the drive out isn’t worth it. Ten days had gone by since I saw Star Trek Into Darkness and I was starting to have symptoms of withdrawal. So, a rainy day and a favorable review from the Willamette Week got me to go out and see Epic. Unfortunately, despite what the paper said, I found all my reluctant preconceived notions to be met. It wasn’t god-awful, but it was pretty prosaic and did indeed come across as a Ferngully off-shoot. Its intentions are good and it’s certainly endurable, but - thanks to PIXAR - I don’t really have much patience for movies that appeal to kids but not adults.

Movie Eighteen: After Earth – I think of myself as someone who’s hip to the scene when it comes to movies. I was a bit surprised, though, at the end of this movie (which had no opening credits) to find out it was directed by M. Night Shyamalan. After being surprised, I was amused. Clearly, the lackluster performance (both critically and financially) of his last four movies have influenced the studios to withhold his identity from all promotional materials for this film when, ten years ago, his name would have been as prominently placed as Will Smith’s. Also missing from this film are his Hitchcock-ish suspense, his Spielberg-ian sentimentality, and his Serling-esque endings. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, but this film isn’t anything special either way. The action sequences are okay, the special effects are pretty cartoony, the acting is very dry and the story’s real predictable. I liked Will Smith’s speech about fear, but you can hear that in the trailer. As far as post-apocalyptic movies go, this one’s not as good as Oblivion. And Oblivion’s not that good.

Movie Nineteen: Now You See Me – I like a good heist movie. Some try too hard to impress you, though. This one has a good excuse (being that it’s about magicians), but it’s still pretty hard to swallow. I condone suspension of disbelief under most circumstances, but sometimes that’s inconvenient when you give the audience a convoluted scheme to follow. Basically, you’re saying “pay attention, but don’t think too hard”. Anyone willing to do that for this movie, though, will have a good time. It’s totally ridiculous, but remains entertaining. The more I watch Ocean’s Eleven, the less I believe it, but I love it every time. This movie’s trying really hard to be Ocean’s Eleven (just look at the poster), but it doesn’t quite measure up. It’s not as smart, not as funny, and the characters aren’t as interesting, but it’s a good try. It has a great scene that beautifully illustrates how masters in sleight-of-hand could be good at hand-to-hand combat. More scenes like that would have made this film better than it actually is. A stronger script would’ve helped, too.

So, now that the summer’s opening act has played, we’ll see what else it has in store for us. Looking ahead at June, I count about nine movies I’m interested in seeing. So, it looks like I’ve got my work cut out for me and probably won’t be getting a tan anytime soon.

Cinetopia Golden Ticket: April 2013

I’ve always admired Roger Ebert. “Adored” would be a better word, actually. I’ve been reading his reviews for so long, I really felt like I knew him. In fact, his death made me about as sad as I think one could be for the loss of someone they’d never actually met. He caught my attention early on when I discovered his syndicated movie review show as a kid. I was every bit as much of a movie fan back then and I was in awe of the concept that somebody could have a career (and even their own show) of watching movies and then talking about them. It never occurred to me that there could be a drawback to that kind of arrangement.

Two months out of a year’s worth of free movies has shown me that drawback. The truth is, for every great movie, there are probably nine bad ones. It’s an interesting position, to have unlimited free movies whenever you want them. As a normal paying customer, you exercise discretion because you obviously don’t want to spend money on something you don’t think you’d enjoy. Some of that discretion still remains, in my case, because I certainly don’t want to spend time on something I don’t think I’ll enjoy (I have absolutely no intention of ever seeing Scary Movie 5, for instance, no matter how free it may be), but I am more inclined to indulge in something I wouldn’t normally pay for. As I stated in my previous post, I have been pleasantly surprised in some cases by movies I had little to no expectations of (I still stand by my ascertainment that Snitch is a great movie despite my own prejudices) and never would have seen in the first place were it not for my Golden Ticket, but – just like good movies I would have paid to see – those are few and far between.

In case that last paragraph sounds too cynical, let me be clear: I’m not in the least bit sorry I have a year’s worth of free movies at my disposal and I’m still excited about what remains in the year to come. I’m merely pointing out that, the more movies you see, the percentage of movies that impress you decreases exponentially. So, let’s take a look at the past month of mediocrity, shall we?

Movie Eight: Evil Dead – The original Evil Dead never had a claim on quality or dignity, but it did have one thing going for it: Excess. Probably 90% of its shoestring budget was dedicated to gory special effects that were impressive enough to earn the film a permanent standing in the horror hall of fame. With that in mind, you would think a remake would be something spectacular with a huge budget behind it. Yeah, baby! Crank that sucker up to 11! Unfortunately, I thought the same thing about the Godzilla remake 15 years ago (which was terribly botched in ways that, to this day, still mystify me) and the Evil Dead remake suffers the same fate. It’s really quite simple folks: Get some teenagers up to a secluded cabin, make them likeable enough so we can at least stand them for 90 minutes (this version’s first mistake was failing to manage even that), find a way to unleash evil spirits, then an hour’s worth of special effects, freaky monsters and gruesome deaths (each one more impressive than the last) that accumulates into a finale that makes us say “whoa.” How hard is that? It’s pretty pathetic when you take a movie that wasn’t very good to begin with and do away with whatever it had going for it to make something even worse. I’m having PTSD flashbacks of The Amityville Horror remake.

Movie Nine: Jurassic Park 3-D – Some movies were made for the theater. Not just because they have breathtaking scenery and fantastic sound effects, but because the presentation is integral to the experience. Lawrence of Arabia, for instance, is a movie I will only see in the theater because to watch it any other way is to undermine its greatness. It makes me shudder to think that there are probably people out there who have actually watched it on an iPad. I used to own Jurassic Park on video years ago, but got rid of it before too long because I never watched it. I always assumed it was because it just wasn’t a good enough movie to stand up to multiple viewings. But now, having seen it in the theater again 20 years later, I see it’s all about the presentation. It was every bit as impactful as the first time I saw it in the theater as a teenager, which is impressive given all the movies we’ve seen since then. That’s Spielberg, I guess. JAWS holds up, so why wouldn’t Jurassic Park? As for the 3-D aspect, the conversion is pretty spectacular and looks about as realistic as it possibly can, but the fact is Jurassic Park is a good enough movie that it doesn’t need it at all. Although, that scene when the velociraptor leaps up at Lex hanging from the ventilation shaft seems like an even closer call with the 3-D.

Movie Ten: The Place Beyond the Pines – Here’s one I went to see just because I’d heard it was good. And, man, was it good. It’s a compelling arrangement of three movies in one with stories and characters (and their connections with each other) overlapping within a span of about 15 years. Movies like this usually separate the chapters into a series of vignettes, but this film has a nice flow where the viewer just rides along with the story as it unfolds in unpredictable tangents. Much like real life. It has an especially beautiful ending that suggests that life comes full circle and the character who exits in the final scene is likely to go on and eventually enter as another character does in the opening scene. It’s a pretty powerful movie. The set-up, relationships and pathos of this film reminded me of a Dan Chaon novel. If haven’t read Dan Chaon, do yourself a favor and seek out his work. But, do yourself a more immediate favor first and seek out The Place Beyond the Pines.

Movie Eleven: 42 – When Red Tails came out, it was almost unanimously deemed prosaic by critics. That bummed me out, but I went to see it anyway in the hopes that I would like it regardless of public opinion. Unfortunately, the critics were right. It was unfortunate not just because I wanted to like it, but because the story of the Tuskegee Airmen is such a great one and they deserved a better telling of their legacy, especially since the service of black soldiers in World War II is so grossly overlooked. 42 is a better movie than Red Tails was, but it still falls short as far as the kind reverent tribute Jackie Robinson deserves from a film. I was hoping for a more sentimental and moving baseball flick like The Natural or The Pride of the Yankees. Maybe part of the problem was that Jackie Robinson lived a very straight and honorable life. He was faithfully married to the same woman for over 25 years. He didn’t have any problems with drugs or alcohol. He didn’t have any debilitating illnesses (unless you count diabetes, which he was diagnosed with after he retired from baseball). He wasn’t even traded from the Brooklyn Dodgers during his entire major league career. So, basically his story is that he was a good ball player, they let him into the major leagues, racists didn’t like that, but his prowess and talent combined with the changing of the times made people think differently and, eventually, he became a legend. That’s about it. Makes for a good milestone in the history of civil rights, but lacks some punch as a movie. I’m not saying it’s a bad film, but I would have liked it to be better. As a footnote, I’d just like to point out that there was some controversy surrounding Tarantino’s Django Unchained and its overabundance of the word “nigger”. Now, I wasn’t keeping a tally, but it seemed like 42 used the word about as many times as Django did. How come nobody made a fuss about it this time? Is it because baseball is a less inflammatory subject than slavery and therefore racial slurs are more acceptable in a sports movie? Or is it just because 42 wasn’t as popular a movie?

Movie Twelve: Oblivion – This kind of movie is exactly what I was referring to in the third paragraph of this blog post. Oblivion is a perfectly competent science fiction film. It’s tightly directed, beautifully shot, well-acted, has amazing special effects, good action sequences, realistic dialogue and an original enough story to not feel redundant. Plus, Morgan Freeman. Yet, even with all those elements in place, I walked out of the theater feeling little more than that it was a decent way to kill a couple hours. Is that because I’m seeing so many movies that my standards are too high or was it merely a garden-variety sci-fi flick that didn’t deserve much acclaim? Probably a little of both. In any case, I’m glad I saw it, but by the time next spring rolls around and I’m compiling my top ten favorite films of the year, Oblivion will surely be omitted. Not because it wasn’t good, but because it was forgettable.

Movie Thirteen: Pain & Gain – Apparently, some of the real life victims (and families of victims) portrayed in this movie have come forward complaining that this movie glorifies the criminals depicted and makes them likeable and “sympathetic”. I don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Everybody in this entire movie (with the possible exception of Ed Harris’ character and his wife) comes across as a world-class grade-A bag of douche, in my opinion – bad guys and good guys. There isn’t a single likeable or sympathetic person or action in the whole movie. In fact, I’ll even take it a step further and say that anybody who even liked this movie is probably kind of a dick. Let’s face it, the movie was made by Michael Bay and we all know he’s a dick. It really is an insufferable movie made worse because it’s over two hours long. Interestingly enough, you could probably trim it down to 90 minutes by simply letting all of the slo-mo scenes play in real time.

There were a number of days last month (especially the rainy ones) where I actually wanted to go to the movies, but I had seen everything I conceivably wanted to see (as I said before, I never had any intention of seeing Scary Movie 5 or any film of its caliber), so I had nothing to do but wait for something new to come out. Thankfully, the studios tend to get a jump on the summer market by releasing some of their blockbusters as early as May. So, here’s to hoping I’m in for some better stuff in the months ahead.